When in doubt...shut your mouth!

So I have just finished my 40 day journey through Alisa Dilorenzo's new book "Called To Love." I hope you have enjoyed following along as much as I have enjoyed blogging about the great insights this book holds for marriage.

As I close out this series, there are two great points I want to bring to your attention. On Day 33 titled, "There are times to hold your tongue." (Yes, she puts it a little nicer than I did!), Alisa starts out with the passage from Matthew 27:12-14. 

"When he was accused by the chief priests and the elders, he gave no answer. Then Pilate asked him, don't you hear the testimony they are bringing against you? But Jesus made no reply, not even a single charge – to the in great amazement of the governor."

I have to admit, in my own human/prideful weakness, my innate need to be right and defend myself, I always read this and thought, "Come on, Jesus! Say something!" I mean, really? Why didn't he tell them who he was? Now, of course I know he had been doing that all along and it would make no difference at this point, and he also knew that the whole point of his life was to lay it down for us, and he knew that the time had come. But still, to stand there and not say anything at all!

I love the first paragraph in this day's devotion. Alisa says, "Jesus did not speak a single negative word when he was accused, when people were speaking poorly of him, when they were calling for his death. He didn't go to their level. He didn't allow them to create an emotional response in him." 

How many times have I found myself irate because of something Tim has said (or rather the way he said something) that hit me the wrong way? I have felt so justified in my anger (and often times rudeness) because I had been provoked. But here, Jesus was provoked beyond anything I've ever experienced, and yet, "He did not allow them to create an emotional response in him." Selah (Pause and calmly think about that!) 

 Alisa goes on to say in day 33, "Our marriages need us to constantly be asking ourselves, what would Jesus do in this situation? If this is one of those times that Jesus would be quiet, I need to be quiet. If this is one of those times that Jesus would let someone vent, I need to let that someone (my spouse) vent. If this is one of those times that I see that my words aren't going to have an impact because my spouse isn't in a place to listen, I must choose silence." 

 Alisa wraps up this great book with the topic of service. She points out, "Jesus gives us the antidote to our selfishness in these words, "The Son of Man....came to serve." (From Mark 10:45) She goes on to say, "There is nothing to be gained in demanding to be served. It creates an environment of hostility and resentment. It creates an environment in which relationships wither and die. It's an environment where people give up and check out. Demanding to be served takes love out of the equation and replaces it with duty and avoidance. Not the best recipe for happy marriage." 

 I know many of us may get our back up when we hear we need to serve our spouse. We may begin to ask the question, "What about me?" or begin to play the "If he would....then I would..." game, but allow me to challenge you with what I always tell my kids...and anyone else who will listen. You take care of others, and let God take care of you. And I promise you, my friend when you honor Him through your acts of love, service and selfless devotion to the ones whom He has called you to love He will pay you back tenfold. That's just the way He rolls!! (Malachi 3:10)

 If you have not gotten your own copy of "Called To Love,"  I highly encourage you to click here and order yours today! This could be the beginning of a great turning point in your marriage and in yourself.

See all my posts in the “Called to Love” book review series…

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Your time to shine!

 How many times have I found myself in the “If he would then I would” scenario? If you're honest with yourself, chances are you’ve been there too.

So many times we base our actions on whether or not our spouse has acted worthy of our good attitude and displays affection. How sad this is! We are not called to love others as they love us. We are not told to do unto others as they do unto us. We are not commanded to show others the love of God when they have treated us in such a way that we feel the love of God coming from them first. No! On the contrary, we are called to love. Our calling is not based on anyone else. It is not derived from human behavior or dependent upon the deservingness of our spouse. Ours is a higher calling, directly from the Lord, divine in nature. When we answer that call by saying, “I do,” we are saying to the Lord, “I will. I accept the call to love…unconditionally, come what may.” We are stepping into the convent agreement to put someone else before ourselves, and fulfilling our call has nothing to do with whether or not our spouse behaves in a way that makes us want to fulfill our call. It is something we do as our act of worship to the Lord, regardless of what's going on around us. It must be based on a commitment, and not just a commitment to another human being (who, like it or not, will fail you) but a commitment to the Lord who never changes, never fails, and who always gives us the strength we need to fulfill what He has asked us to do. Rest assured, what God calls you to He will equip you to do and do well with His power.
 Now, I have to say that my husband is deserving more times than not, probably much more frequently than I am! But the fact remains, whether or not you deem your spouse as worthy of your kind words and loving actions is not the point. If you are married you are called to show that person love and respect. (Ephesians 5:33) This is your act of service to the Lord. It is not dependent upon what they do. In fact, your loving your spouse has very little to do with them at all! I know that sounds crazy but bear with me….

One of my all-time favorite verses is Matthew 5:16, “Let your light so shine before men that they may see your good works and glorify your Father who is in heaven.” And this doesn't just go for the people you see at church on Sunday or in the parking lot at drop off and pick up at school. Yes, by all means shine your light for Jesus for the sales clerk and the mail carrier, but what are you showing within the walls of your own home? Is it getting pretty dark in there? You need to be the light in your home and in your marriage!

On Day 13 of her new book, “Called to Love” bestselling author, Alisa Dilorenzo has this to say,

 “When you choose to be the light of the world, in your marriage, it means that you:

• Make choices about your behavior. You can ask yourself is this behavior drawing my spouse to me (light) or pushing them away?


• Make choices about your words. You and I both know the power of words to either lift up and light up someone's world or to tear them down and plunge them into darkness. How are your words encouraging your spouse or are they a source of discouragement?
  
  
• Make choices about your attitude. Do you bring a spirit of positivity or negativity to your marriage and your spouse?”

Think about this: Regardless of how your spouse conducts him/herself Christ died for him/her. He loves them with a great, powerful, unending, earth-shaking love, and He has chosen you to be the closest human connection they have. He handpicked you to have the most powerful, influential position in your spouse’s life. He wants to use you as His hands and arms and mouthpiece to show love to someone He deemed precious enough to die for. This is a very high calling! Are you taking it seriously? Are you being a light in your marriage or are you finding yourself slipping more and more into the dark?

“She comforts, encourages, and does him only good as long as there is life within her.”

Proverbs 31:12 (AMPC)

This verse has long been my prayer for myself in our marriage. I encourage wives everywhere to adopt it as their own.

Grab your own copy of “Called to Love” today! www.calledtolovebook.com You'll be glad you did!

See all my posts in the “Called to Love” book review series…

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Watch out for that beam!

Ok….let us continue through this great new devotional book, “Called to Love: Experiencing Your Best Marriage Through the Words of Jesus”

In Day 11, author Alisa DiLorenzo talks about the speck and the plank. Wow, how true this is! I'm such a speck inspector! As I read Alisa’s words and began to view the words of Christ through the lens of marriage this scripture unfolded for me in different way. In case you aren’t familiar with it…

“And why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye, but do not perceive the plank in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Brother, let me remove the speck that is in your eye,’ when you yourself do not see the plank that is in your own eye? Hypocrite! First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck that is in your brother’s eye.”

Luke 6:41-42

Photo Found at

sacrosanctgospel.org

I guess I always pictured those cartoon characters (similar to something you’d see on the old Popeye cartoons) where one of them has a tiny splinter in his eye while the other one, who is "trying to help," has a big metal construction beam sticking out of his. Every time he turns his head he clears out the room. Silly, I know, but sometimes if we never stop and really pay attention to what we're thinking as we read scripture we may not realize that we're kind of missing what Jesus was trying to say.

I always understood the main point of this passage - that I needed to deal with my own problems and leave others alone. Although, this is definitely not one of my strengths! But I guess in the back of my mind I always thought, “Well, OK, but what if they're the ones with the plank and mine is just a speck?” Yup, I have to fight off pride an awful lot! It's a weakness of which I am well aware. I'm always trying to justify and defend myself…poor Tim! Anyway, back to the point…

So, as I read through Day 11 I began to realize that, regardless of whether my issue is “bigger” than my husband’s issue, the fact is mine is a lot closer, so it will appear bigger and cause me a lot more trouble. Think about it. If you both have a speck in your eye which one is going to cause you the most difficulty seeing clearly? The one in your spouse's eye or the one in your own?

Alisa put it this way, "Jesus never told us to fix other people. He told us to care for them, he told us to be responsible for them but not to fix them. Our responsibility is to work on ourselves, create an environment for change and allow Jesus to work on them. Often we look at this in reverse: Jesus, fix my spouse and then I will be all better. It doesn't work that way.” She goes on to say, “When you choose, and yes, it is a choice, to remove the plank from your own eye first, you create an environment for Jesus to be seen in your marriage. Your spouse is more likely to see Jesus in the transformation in your life rather than when you try to change him or her."

Just like Jesus said, until I take care of this big, huge thing in my own life/heart I cannot clearly see to help my spouse. Note: He said help, not just point out, not complain about, and not say, “Hey, you should really do something about that.” No, Christ is saying I should deal with my own stuff and then gently help my spouse. And may I go so far as to say my actions would most likely prove much more helpful than my words? Geez! I'm stepping all over my own toes with this one!

And here’s a side-note about love and respect… another great book by the way…I don't know about your husband, but one of the things that will set Tim off quicker than anything else is when I critique or correct him. If I come to him lovingly and make a suggestion or bring up a topic in the proper way, he's okay with that, but if I am constantly correcting him, interrupting him, stopping him, challenging him, that....which, let's face it, is definitely a signal of a lack of respect...that will set him off quicker than just about anything else.

So, as you were reading this, anything come to mind that may be keeping you from seeing clearly in your marriage? Is it possible that beam in your eye is making you so uncomfortable that you are snapping at every little speck your spouse has? Just a thought….

I challenge you to take some time this week to get alone with the Lord, and maybe instead of praying for God to fix your spouse, how about humbly asking Him to show you anything that you may need to change? As you humble yourself before the Lord and seek Him in your marriage, even if the change needs to start with you, you will create a safe environment for real progress to begin.

If you haven’t already, I hope you will grab your own copy of “Called to Love” www.calledtolovebook.com You'll be glad you did!

See all my posts in the “Called to Love” book review series…

And please join me on Facebook and Instagram @TheMommyCall

How we saved our marriage before we were even engaged...

OK! As promised, here it is. This is how we saved our marriage before we were even engaged. Can't believe I got Tim to do a video with me!

Check it out. ...I hope we will bring you encouragement, inspiration and a good dose of laughter!

"When you and I take a stand for our marriages, when we say that it's going to be different, when we say that we are taking divorce off the table, generations are changed. One couple living out God’s word, serves as light to others. One couple choosing to not let anything separate them impacts everyone in their community and ultimately in the world."Called to Love Day 1: More Than Just Words for Your Wedding Vows

See all my posts in the “Called to Love” book review series…

When Mr. Insensitive Meets Ms. Insecure

I thought I was so ready! I thought whatever man hooked me would know he had truly found a pearl of great price (Matthew 13), a hidden treasure, favor from the Lord. (Proverbs 18:22) No doubt, a couple weeks into our marriage my husband might have begged to differ!

 I had read every verse on marriage, highlighted them, and committed them to memory. I had poured over these scriptures for years. At the age of 16 I knew that above all else the #1 calling the Lord had put on my life was to be a godly wife, and boy, was I on the lookout for my man! I began praying for my husband at the age of 16, and I have often told Tim that I fell in love with him years before we ever met!

I would write letters to my future husband (which I gave to Tim the day before our wedding). I thought I was truly a prize to be sought. I was gonna be the Proverbs 31 Woman! My husband would praise me saying, “Many daughters have done nobly, and well [with the strength of character that is steadfast in goodness], But you excel them all.” And one day our children would arise and call me blessed! (Proverbs 31:28-29)

Boy, was I in for a rude awakening!

Our Wedding Day

April 8, 2006

I was devastated to learn, mere months…make that weeks, into our marriage that I was not very good at this! Defensive, sensitive, self-loathing, with the innermost parts of my heart boarded up with concrete walls around them because of bitterness, hurt, and pain that I had never confronted in a healthy manner. And Tim, wonderful though his is, and admittedly he was better at marriage than I was (and most of the time still is!)…Poor Tim still had a lot of growing up to do. Let’s just say he was less than gentle and understanding with my issues….though in his defense he was blind-sided by them. Kind of a “Thought he was getting Rachel” kind of thing…though maybe Jekyll and Hyde would be a closer comparison!  (Genesis 29)

Yes, if Tim and I had any idea what the next couple years would be like for us there's a good chance we would have bailed! But praise the Lord, in His infinite wisdom He took us from, “Nice to meet you.” to “I do” in seven short months…before we could realize what we were really signing up for!

As I continue my journey through the newest book by bestselling author, Alisa DiLorenzo, Called to Love,” I am growing increasingly concerned that maybe Alisa was watching me during my first few years of marriage!! She had to have had me in mind when she wrote her first two sections titled, “I Thought I Knew What To Do” and “Marriage Is Harder Than I Thought.”

The fact is, as I’ve had the privilege to walk with others over the years, to encourage and counsel friends on their bumpy roads, one thing has become quite clear; Tim and I are not alone! Few couples find marriage to be as blissfully magical as they expected…at least until they have put some real work into it.

I love what Alisa says on Day 8:

“Yes, there are times when your marriage will require blood, sweat, and tears. As Jesus demonstrated to us, everything worthwhile at some point in time needs this investment of ourselves. When you find yourself in this place, remember that you are not alone. Remember that at any moment you have access to the One who can bring you comfort.”

Take heart, my friend! Your marriage does not have to be perfect - it just has to be committed! I remember well the morning, less than a month after our honeymoon, with the sound of the door slamming as Tim stormed off to work still ringing in my ears, when I fell to my knees and cried out to Lord through my tears, “God, what have I done?”

Fast-forward 11 years, and I still find myself on a regular basis, again on the floor on my knees, again with tears in my eyes crying out to the Lord, but now with praise and thanksgiving for an incredible marriage and my wonderful husband. (Yes, still Tim!)

To get from where we were to where we are (and up and down and back and forth time and again) it has taken focused work, commitment, and intentionality on both our parts. I did not rise off the floor that early morning in the spring of 2006 and watch as the Lord worked a sudden miracle in my marriage. Tim did not come in from work that night, kiss away all my tears, and ride me off into the sunset! No, not by a long shot. But each day the Lord gave us the strength we needed to keep going, to press through and to believe that as we sought to honor Him with our lives, He would raise us up. As Alisa so beautifully puts it, “Marriage is about pressing in, leaning into one another and God.”  

I am also reminded of what Joyce Meyer often says, “If you will do what you can do, God will do what you cannot do.”

If you will make a commitment to view your marriage through the words of Jesus, to see your marriage as your highest calling - a call to love - and accept that call regardless of cost, and commit to seeing it through and doing your part, God will handle the rest. As one of my current favorite worship songs say, “Where there is no way He’ll make a way!” (Love that song!)

Don’t forget to grab your own copy of “Called to Love” today! Click HERE!!

In my next post I will share with you how Tim and I saved our marriage before we were even engaged! (May even get him to do a guest appearance!) Stay tuned…I encourage you to subscribe above so you can follow along by email and not have to remember to come back! We all have enough to keep up with, right? J And please, if you got something out of this post, click on a share button below and pass it along!

See all my posts in the “Called to Love” book review series…

You have been called to love. Will you accept the call?

As I sat down with my fresh, autographed, advanced copy of “Called to Love” I have to admit I was pretty thrilled with this opportunity to be part of the blog tour for the April 4^th release of the latest book by best-selling author, Alisa DiLorenzo.  

Highlighter in hand, I had barely begun the Foreword when I was stopped by the reality that I wasn't going to be coasting through this one! On page 11 in the Foreword I read these words by PS. Leanne

Matthesius, Lead Pastor 3C San Diego.

 "Each of us grows up with dreams of a lifelong relationship that transcends the heights of even the greatest Hollywood love story. Yet many marriages get stuck in a “clash of wills” as you fight for your right to have your needs met and you're wants declared supreme. No one sets out to destroy their marriage, but sadly many relationships are fractured due to a lack of wisdom, effort and selflessness to make things the best they can be. The most fulfilling relationships are the ones where both you and your spouse are living with the express purpose of being a blessing to the one that God has gifted you with."

I let out a deep breath, and resigned myself to the fact that this was not going to be some cushy reading that I would breeze through and write happy little posts about to encourage people to buy the book. This book was going to be a major player in the work the Lord is doing in my life, my heart and my marriage.

When Alisa felt the Lord impress on her heart to go back through the Gospels reading the words of Christ and viewing them through the lens of marriage, the Lord gave her some wonderful insights. In the introduction she says,

"Reading the Gospels with the understanding that I was supposed to dream again about the mission that God had called me to changed everything. In every story, and every account and interaction that Jesus had I saw that these weren't just life lessons, these words where the manual that each of us needs to do marriage and be married the way that God intended...while you may not have a specific manual for your spouse, you do have the only manual that you will ever need."

Amazon best-selling author,

 Alisa DiLorenzo

I love the way Alisa has not only provided us with a great book, challenging us to look selflessly at our marriage through the words of Christ, but she has also organized it as a daily devotional - a very wise plan considering each day is packed with so much that you really do need a break to pause and digest what Christ is speaking to your heart.

The book is divided into six powerful sessions and each session is broken down into daily topics with scripture, insights, prayer and a place to journal.

Please sign up for my email list (top right), so you can follow along with me as I journey through this great book and share some of my thoughts and reflections. In my next post I'll be getting real and talking about how utterly shocked I was upon returning from our honeymoon 11 years ago to face the reality that, despite thinking I had done all my homework, I was totally unprepared! I really wasn't very good at being married! Anybody been there?

 I’ll also be sharing how Tim and I saved our marriage before we even got engaged. You’ll see why we never really had a honeymoon phase and discover how that, through a lot of hard work and willingness to really hash it out, by the time we hit the 7 year mark, any itch one of us may have had, the other was more than willing to scratch!!

 I do hope you will consider getting your own copy of “Called to Love,” and not just because they gave me a free book! I say this because I know the Bible is alive and active! (Hebrews4:12) I know that these words of Christ, when applied to your marriage, will have lasting and significant impact. And I know that Alisa’s straightforward, to-the-point style will grip your heart and challenge you to come up higher in your most important earthly relationship!

What a great gift for any couple, regardless of where they are in their marriage. What a great gift to give yourself and your spouse - to take this 40 day challenge to truly focus on your marriage, viewing it through the words of Christ, and in essence declaring, “Yes! I accept the call to love!”

See all my posts in the “Called to Love” book review series…