Teach your kids to pray… Without teaching them prayers.

I cannot express enough the importance of helping your kids to develop their own “faith legs.” (Yep, totally just made that phrase up!) When they hit those young adult years and leave the house for the first time, if they have not made their faith personal, something they believe deep down for themselves, not just something they did because you said so, then they won’t have anything solid to stand on. It is crazy important that we encourage our kids to have their own, growing, personal walk with the Lord. This is something I try to keep in the forefront of my parenting.

 I believe there are many ways to accomplish this, including ensuring they read the Bible for themselves on a regular basis (this is in fact the #1 way since we are told that the Bible is alive and active (Hebrews 4:12), and it accomplishes what God sends it out to do (Isaiah 55:11). Talk about taking the pressure off!), having them read great faith-based books, and sharing with them my own personal stories of how the Lord and His Word brought me through some tough times and proved full

of truth and power in my darkest of days. But at the very most elementary level I believe the best way to set our kids on the right path with growing in their own personal walk with the Lord is to not teach them prayers. 

 Now, please don't get upset with me. I am not saying that if your kids pray, “God is great. God is good.” And, “Now I lay me down to sleep,” that they are never going to have a personal walk with the Lord. I understand why this is done, and I don't fault anyone who does it. However, I do have some pretty strong opinions about this. (I know…Me, strong opinions?? Insert sarcastic shocked face here.)

I firmly believe that if the very first thing we teach our children about prayer is to memorize something that someone else wrote just so it sounds cute and rhymes then we are immediately telling them that their hearts and their minds don't really have to be in it. Then when it comes time for them to pray on their own, out of their own hearts because they truly need a personal relationship with the Lord they don't know where to start. 

Think about it. Once our children learn how to speak, do we have to teach them how to talk to us? Absolutely not! Out of their innocent, little hearts flows a wealth of humor, excitement and often extremely touching, gripping truths. There is such an honesty and joy in their naïve communication at that precious age. Often times many of the phrases that we look back on most often, those which bring the most joy to our hearts and provide us with the fondest of memories, come from the things that proceeded out of their little hearts when they were just learning to communicate.

And the more they do it the better they get. Why deprive our Heavenly Father of this beautiful beginning of their growth? Should not their relationship with their Lord be a natural flow just as their relationship with us? Kids will tell their daddy anything and everything. Why not encourage them to do the same with their heavenly Father? How much more comfortable and natural talking to the Lord will be as they grow into adulthood if they are taught that they can come to their heavenly Daddy with the same openness, genuineness and even excitement with which they come to us!

If we teach our kids from the very beginning that approaching God has to be an extremely formal thing with beautiful words and perfect rhymes how will they ever cross over to a natural relationship as they grow up? Yes, by all means, God is to be reverenced, but I truly believe that as a person comes to know the Lord and understand His character this reverence will naturally evolve.

Think how a little boy rambles on and on, saying everything to his daddy that pops into his little head. Think of how as he grows he comes to know his father more and more. Then in adulthood, this grown up “boy” comes to approach the same man with the respect and reverence that has developed over time as he has come to know his father on a deeper level. Since from the very beginning their relationship was open and close, through his intimate knowledge and growing affection for his dad, the son comes to see, respect and honor his father for the man he truly is.

So instead of teaching our children eloquent poems that, while cute may rob them of the simple pleasure of talking to their Daddy, Tim and I have always encouraged our kids to just say what is on their hearts. We firmly believe their reverence for the Lord will grow as they come to know Him more and more, but if they are taught reverence without first learning how deeply their heavenly Father yearns to grow in relationship with them they may never make the connection. Oh that they may be able to grasp how deep and wide and high and long is the love of Christ! (Ephesians 3:17-19) Encourage your kids to come genuinely and often to the throne of God with thanksgiving and joy in their hearts, to make their requests known…to taste and see that He is good! (Hebrews 4:16; Psalm 100:4; Philippians 4:6; Psalm 34:8)  

 Again, I'm not saying these prayers are wrong, but personally I never taught them to my kids. When setting down to a meal I just encourage them to tell God thank you for the food and to say whatever is on their hearts. Now, at ages seven and five, they have brought grown men to tears with their hearts being so truly open and speaking to the Lord over an everyday dinner. (A Catholic friend once commented that he was so touched by Holden’s pray that he couldn’t stop thinking about this “free-style” praying we do! :))

It is such a blessing to our hearts to hear our children pray, and I can only imagine what it does to the heart of our heavenly Father. I'm sure the Lord is blessed by the precious sounds of little children quoting prayer poems to Him as well, but I have also witnessed my children as young as age 2, in the midst of a difficult situation, pray down heaven in a way that makes my heart skip a beat and sends chills down my spine. I want my kids to know there is no one “right way” to pray, so that they will never have a fear of getting it wrong. Instead, they see God as yes, an awesome and mighty King, but also as their loving Daddy in whose lap they can curl up and say whatever is on their little hearts, and there is so much power in that. As their minds grow their eloquence will grow, but this time of their hearts and spirits being so familiar and comfortable and open before the Lord is something I would never want to try to fit into a box wrapped up with a pretty rhyme.

Perhaps you feel you yourself don’t truly know how to pray. As our pastor often says, "If you don't know how to pray talk to God about it." There is so much truth to this. The Lord is not impressed or concerned with your words or your phrasing because He sees right through it all anyway. If your words are amazing and your mouth is full but your heart is void then it will accomplish nothing. However, if your heart is full and your spirit is open the smallest, simplest of phrases can move mountains. The fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much. (James 5:16)

Prayer is not difficult. It does not have to be fancy. It is just you, through the blood of Jesus, coming just as you are before the throne of God and completely opening up your heart…even when you don't have a clue what words to say. Romans 8:26-27 assures us the Holy Spirit will do the rest. And don't forget, Jesus is sitting next to God always making intercession for you, praying on your behalf! (Hebrews 7:25)

So just show up. Offer what little you have, and trust Him to do what His sovereignty compels Him to do. Make it real. Make it personal. Then and only then will it be made powerful by Him and His strength, not of anything our weak human minds and words can do. To God be the glory!

“that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the width and length and depth and height— to know the love of Christ which passes knowledge; that you may be filled with all the fullness of God.” Ephesians 3:17-19

“But God hath chosen the foolish things of the world to confound the wise, and God hath chosen the weak things of the world to confound the things which are mighty;” 1 Corinthians1:27 

“My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12:9

No Excuses! Why feelings do not excuse bad behavior.

Okay, pardon me while I get out a soapbox…as you may know, I have many.

Ok, are you ready for this?

We have got to stop making excuses for our children! Do not let your kids use their feelings as an excuse for their actions. For example, being shy is not an excuse to be rude. Our incredibly beautiful, now third-grade daughter often feels timid when encountering new situations or large crowds of people. I totally get this. Despite how outgoing I can be when I either have an “important” role to

play or am comfortable in my surroundings, for many years I would find myself on the verge of a panic attack when walking into a situation where I did not have the upper hand and did not know anyone. I completely understand her feelings, and I do not fault her for them. Tim and I are not asking her to carry on a long, intense conversation with every stranger who walks up. We are not asking her to steal the show and always be the center of attention. That's what her little brother is for! But what we are asking her to do is to obey the Lord and make pleasing Him her top priority.

Recently, when Mikaela allowed her shyness to dictate her actions by refusing to say hi to someone who greeted her, refusing to look them in the eye and in essence being what Tim and I consider rude, the following conversation ensued…

In our home we show God’s love to everyone. We put others first (Philippians 2:3), and we are polite and respectful and look for ways to make others feel loved and special (Hebrews 10:24). It is not okay to not speak when someone speaks to you. Philippians 4:13 says, “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.” This does not mean if you want to fly you can jump off a roof, and God will give you the ability to do it because you have Jesus in your heart. This means God will give you the ability to do whatever He calls you to do with the help of Christ in you. I have a positive confession (a truth we speak often derived from Scripture, backed up by the Word of God) that says, “God will not ask me to do anything He will not give me the ability to do and do well with His help.” So I asked her, how does Jesus tell us to treat others…The way we want to be treated (Luke 6:31). We are called to love others the same way Jesus loves us (John 15:12). I know you may feel shy, and that is okay, but you cannot let the way you feel dictate how you act. If God has called you to do something He's going to give you the strength to do it, and you have to make a choice to obey God rather than your feelings. (1Corinthians 10:13) If He has called you to make others feel loved and special and to treat others the way you want to be treated then He has given you the power to do it.

Another one I use a lot around here with the kids is, “No matter how I feel I can choose to make the right decision.” And yes, privileges were revoked for the day. She was not disciplined for being shy. She was disciplined for being disobedient, and she fully understands the difference. Empathize with your children, but please…please…do not enable them. 

I once knew a lady whose four-year-old daughter was often rude and bossy. When my daughter and her friends would begin to complain the mom would instantly step in and say, “Oh, I'm sorry. She's in a funny mood today.” No! No! No! This little girl was never made to apologize or take responsibility for her own actions, and I soon noticed she was pretty much always in a “funny mood.” 

Foolishness is bond up in the heart of a child, and as the parent it is your job to use discipline and correction, with a massive dose of love, to irradiate it while their hearts and minds are still malleable. (Proverbs 22:15; 3:12)  

Tim and I are most certainly not perfect parents, and we have a long way still to go on our journey. Yes, our kids have moods like any others, but they also know what is expected of them. Regardless of how they feel, they are called to show others God’s love. They are called to treat others the way they want to be treated. They are called to be respectful and to honor God with their choices, their words and their actions. Because our kids know what the Lord requires of us and that His Word is what we use to set guidelines for our family, and because they know there will be consequences for bad choices, they're “funny moods” are thankfully few and far between.

If we do not give our kids the tools they need now to take their thoughts captive they may forever live

as a slave to their emotions (2 Corinthians 10:5). We and our children are not victims of our feelings! Rather, we are slaves to righteousness (Romans 6:16), empowered by God, and through Him we have the strength to do everything He has called us to do. He has given us everything we need for life and godliness (2 Peter 1:3), and with His help there is nothing which He has called us to do that we cannot do and do well. He whom the Son has set free is free indeed! (John 8:36)

We are told to take our thoughts captive and make them obey Christ. We would not be told to do this if it were not possible. Of ourselves we cannot do it, but with God all things are possible (Matthew 19:26). I'm convinced that far too many of our problems in the world today are because the majority of adults were never told that they do not have to be a slave to their feelings. Our emotions do not have to dictate our actions. Just because a thought pops into your mind, that doesn’t mean you have to think about it!

I often tell my kids, and anyone else who will listen, “You cannot help the thoughts and feelings that come into your mind, but you can determine what you will do with them.” It's time to make a choice. It's time to stand up to the human nature that is seeking to devour and overcome and rob us of the joy and the strength of being fully His. This can be done. It must be done if we are to have true hope for our future generations. If you do not give your children the tools now to rise above their feelings you can be sure no one else will, and they will run the risk of becoming slaves to the roller coaster of their own emotions for the rest of their lives. 

Lord, give me patience...and grace when I fail to use it!!

So after spending the better part of 2 hours drafting what I truly felt was one of my best posts ever on parenting the entire piece was wiped out while making my final edits!

There is a scripture that has become a lifeline to me...Psalm 94:13 tells me God gives me the power to keep myself calm.

So I am being given the pleasure of exercising my faith to claim that promise today!!!!

I have managed to recover a portion of the very first and very rough draft, but a huge chuck, and all of my edits are gone.

So I can also give thanks that I learned to no longer create documents in that program!!!

So, I am going to go meditate on Psalm 94 and take a nap. Maybe I'll find the strength and mental fortitude to try again....just didn't want a Monday to go by without a post. Because I'm not promising a redo today...Thank the Lord His mercies are new every morning!!! (Lamentation 3:22-23)

Essential Summer Living: Deciding What NOT to do This Summer

So, it is almost here, and I for one cannot wait! Summer!!! Honestly, I do not know who is more excited, me or the kids. I have said that many times in jest; however, I am realizing as we draw closer and closer to the end of the school year that it is, in fact, very true.

This has caused me to pause and ask myself, "Why is it that when someone asks the kids how many more days of school, I can answer quicker than they can!?" (Eight days not counting weekends.) Why is it that my heart yearns for that last day as much if not more so than it did when I was in elementary school? Could it be that this is a sign of an overcommitted mama?

Don't get me wrong. I enjoy all of the things that I take on and volunteer for and participate in throughout the school year and sports seasons. In fact, a huge reason why Tim and I have chosen for me to stay home is so that I can be available and involved and plugged in. I highly encourage volunteering and plugging in at the kids' schools and sports teams, so that you do know what's going on. The other parents know you, and you know your kids' friends, and oftentimes this will allow you to address issues before they become problems. Kids will open up to you more, and you will be much more in the know just by being around. This being said, it is possible that you can get so plugged in and so committed that your extra obligations, all in the name of supporting, encouraging and being there for your kids, pull you away from the one place you are needed most - your home. Sometimes this is a physical pulling away, but more times than not it is a mental and emotional pulling away. If you're running ragged and pulled in so many different directions to support so many people and give so much of yourself to the next big project that your children and your husband only get the leftover, exhausted, grumpy bits of you then are you really serving your true purpose?

These are the questions I am currently grappling with, and I am intentionally not overbooking our summer to allow plenty of time for deep connecting with my kids, relaxing and actually thinking through what things are essential and what things are not truly adding benefit and value to our lives. When might taking on one more thing no longer qualify as worthy when compared to the inevitable trade-offs?

Many of you know I am a podcast junkie! Recently, I was listening Season3, Episode12 of the "This is Your Life" podcast with Michael Hyatt in which Michael interviewed speaker and author, Greg McKeown about his book, "Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less." This interview was so thought-provoking for me that I could not get it out of my mind. For the next week it seemed like everyone I listened to was referring to this book. Finally, I could no longer resist buying my own copy and digging in.

While I am only about 1/4 of the way through it now, already I have come across some great points that I am savoring and find myself meditating on for hours on end - while I run around and do the multitude of year end things I have to catch up on, of course. McKeown says, "The way of the Essentialist rejects the idea that we can fit it all in. Instead of making choices reactively, the Essentialist deliberately distinguishes the vital few from the trivial many..." He also talks about making the wisest possible investment of your time and energy in order to operate in your highest point contribution by doing only what is essential. A point he continues to drive home is: Less but better.

So I'm asking myself - Could I do less, and yet be more? Could I do less and accomplish more? Doesn't doing less make me any less? What if doing less actually makes me more of who the Lord created me to be? Greg drives the point home by really hitting at the heart of our mommy guilt when he says, "It's about the emotional discipline necessary to say no to social pressure."

The diagram below (from chapter 1) is one I absolutely cannot get out of my mind. It describes so much of how I have been feeling over the past year+. It makes perfect sense. In fact, when I turned the page and saw this (at 10:30 at night with Tim sleeping soundly beside me) I gasped, "That's me!" 

I truly plan to spend the next couple months by the pool or on the beach (Thank you, Lord that I live in a Florida beach town!)dissecting my life and my commitments and attempting to totally renovating how I make decisions in the way I run my home, live my life, and give of my time and energy. I highly recommend this book for your summer reading. Take some time to reevaluate whether you are overcommitted. Are you struggling to do a little bit of everything, or are you truly doing all you can with the few things that matter most? 

I could keep going, (I mean really, when couldn't I?) but I really want to get back to reading! I'll close with one final quote from the book. "The ability to choose cannot be taken away or even given away - it can only be forgotten." Have you forgotten that, yes, in fact, you do have the right to choose what you give yourself, your time and your energy to? And by all means, don't forget the trade-offs! Saying yes to someone else usually means saying no to your family to some degree. Now, hang on...calm down. No, this doesn't mean you can never say yes to anyone else, absolutely not, but are you saying yes to others far more than you're saying yes to your home and your highest calling? I challenge you to slow down and give it some thought. Do you love your life - because you should!

"The thief comes only in order to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have and enjoy life, and have it in abundance (to the full, till it ^[a]overflows)." John 10:10 (AMPC)

"She considers a [new] field before she buys or accepts it [expanding prudently and not courting neglect of her present duties by assuming other duties]; with her savings [of time and strength] she plants fruitful vines in her vineyard." Proverbs 31:16 (AMPC, emphasis mine)

"Every wise woman builds her house, but the foolish one tears it down with her own hands." Proverbs 14:1 (AMPC)

Are you drinking a milkshake while doing sit ups?

Happy Monday!! I love Mondays, and mornings, and new years...basically anything that signals a fresh start! :) Been that way as long as I can remember...but that's a story for another day.

For now I have a very important questions for you...Are you drinking a milkshake while doing sit ups? Crazy, I know. But if you are trying to squeeze in your time with God while picking out your

clothes, making lunches, scheduling the next play date, throwing in a load of laundry, settling sibling disputes and feeding the dog, well....it's pretty much like running through the drive thru on the way home from the gym! Now, don't get me wrong...on occasion I've been known to enjoy a quarter pounder just as much as the next gal.  But if I have a goal to improve my physical health then I create an environment that will help me stick to it. The same should be true if you plan to grow in your walk with the Lord.

When it comes to reading the Bible, you have to set yourself up for success! Limit your distractions and all the other noise so you can hear that still small voice as it works power into your every day life.

Take 5 minutes and watch this short video I did this morning. In it I do a reading of one of my favorite passages, Psalm 91. I encourage you to get yourself in an environment where you can just be with God. Open your Bible (not the app but the book...you know...with real pages) and read Psalm 91 out loud. Read it with emphasis and let the power and promise of this text wash over you and restore your soul. God's Word is power and He has so many amazing things for you. Get alone with Him and let Him tell you about them!

Enjoy!

See more post about How to Get into the Bible and get something out of it!

Major Confession! One of My Biggest Secrets Exposed!

Are you ready for this?? I don't fold my fitted sheets!!! In fact, I don't even care! :) Man, that felt good!

It took me years to admit this! I felt so shamed by this strange, stubborn, deformed, inanimate object. Shouldn't all wives be able to tame this beast? And don't all stay-at-home-moms have the secret to the perfect fold?

I am very type A and like everything in just the right place, but when it comes to the fitted sheets...seriously ladies?!
What's all the fuss about?? Just because Martha Stewart says it can be beautifully done, and she can teach you how in 15 simple steps doesn't mean it is worth a half hour of your time and a handful of your brain cells!!!

Here's my process, which I have developed after more than a decade of homemaking experience.

STEP 1:
 I pick up the sheet with both hands, ensuring I have a corner in each hand. (Who the heck cares which two corners!?)

STEP 2:
With a corner in each hand, I spread my arms to reach my full 5'3" wing span.

STEP 3:
From this pitiful extension that doesn't even come close to pulling taut our king sized sheet, I put the corners together. (I am now satisfied that I tried.)

STEP 4:
Now, this is where it gets tricky...ensuring the two corners are perfectly aligned...I start balling it up and flipping it over until I can squish it into something sort of resembling a square, or maybe more like a very large, deflated beach ball.

STEP 5:
Finally, I fold the flat sheet and one pillow case, stack them on top, and then shove all three inside the other pillowcase and voila!  It looks neat and seamless stacked on the closet shelf!  

Now, please...before you start sending me YouTube videos on sheet folding, please remember...I don't care!!! :)

"If possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." Romans 12:18 (And might I be so bold as to say, and everything!)

 This includes yourself...and your sheets! Next time you find yourself crazy overwhelmed or beyond burnout, stop and check your workload. Are you spending precious time and energy on some things that you could just let go? John Maxwell calls it "Identifying your limiting factors." Are there things that rob you of your joy and energy that could be left undone (or better yet, passed along to your kids as their new "grown up" responsibility)?

I encourage you friends, take a true evaluation of the things that are causing you to get worked up and flustered and ask yourself, "Do I even have to do this?" I challenge you this week - Get creative, get real, and give yourself some grace!

Now, I know Tim (my husband) is laughing at this right now, since we had a 4 hour conversation about this last night. I take that back...a conversation implies two or more persons more or less equally contributing to a healthy discussion. This was more like him listening to me go on for 4 hours about how overwhelmed I am by all the things I have to do, all the things I should do, all the things I need to do, and never seeming to be able to get to my ever growing list of things I want to do...can I get a witness???

Sister, you are not alone! I always say my mess is my message, so I don't hide my own issues. If I did, I'd have very little to share!!! Let's commit to setting aside some time this week with the Lord. Be still in His presence, and let Him speak to our hearts about how He would have us order our days. He truly does care about every detail. And yes, I know finding that time is one more thing to add to your list, but how about this? GET UP BEFORE THE KIDS!!! Trust me, I know! For me this is typically between 5 and 5:30 a.m. But I promise you, there is something special about that quiet hour with just your coffee and your Bible, before the rest of the world is up and going. The Lord will meet you there. It has become my very favorite part of the day.

"Unto You, O Lord, do I bring my life."

Psalm 25:1

"Consider well the path of your feet, and let all your ways be established and ordered aright." Proverbs 4:26

"In the morning You hear my voice, O Lord; in the morning I prepare [a prayer, a sacrifice] for You and watch and wait [for You to speak to my heart]."

Psalm 5:3

"And rising very early in the morning, while it was still dark, he (Jesus) departed and went out to a desolate place, and there he prayed."

Mark 1:35