To volunteer or not to volunteer? - Avoiding Mommy Burn-out This School Year

Well, here we are… for many of us around the country this is our last full week of summer vacation! Is it just me, or does it go faster every year?

So I want to let you know where my head is right now. As we gear up for another school year and another sports season, I am being prayerfully cautious to be involved where I should without taking on more than I can do and do peacefully. In 1 Peter 5:8 (AMPC) we are told to be well balanced. Last year admittedly, I got out of balance. As a stay at home mom it is easy to feel pressured to take on every volunteer role there is. After all, isn't that why we made the decision for me to be home, so that I could be involved and engaged? And while I think the distinction between "stay at home mom" and

"working mom" is absolute foolishness because I work harder now than I ever did in my corporate job, there does seem to be this pressure or guilt on the shoulders of those of us who don't work outside of the home, feeling that, “Well, of course I should take on all these responsibilities. My schedule is "flexible.'”

Don't get me wrong. I absolutely loved being team parent, room mom, the PTO VP, and a host of other titles. I like being engaged with the kids, involved with the schools and in the trenches with the sports teams, but the fact is it can become too much if you are not prayerfully considering what the Lord would have you do.

When all of my roles ended at the end of last school year the Lord brought me to this verse in Proverbs 31.

“She considers a [new] field before she buys or accepts it [expanding prudently and not courting neglect of her present duties by assuming other duties]; with her savings [of time and strength] she plants fruitful vines in her vineyard. [S. of Sol. 8:12.]” Proverbs‬ ‭31:16‬ ‭AMPC‬‬
‭ (emphasis mine) ‭

Case in point for why I love the Amplified Bible! I had read this verse 1 million times but never had it jumped out to me like it did this time. This was my problem. I was burnt out, and instead of enjoying the roles I had taken on I was resenting them. There are certain things we have to do, certain things we need to do, certain things we are called to do - and the things the Lord lays on each of our hearts are not the same. Whereas I may feel very strongly that being room mom for my daughter's class is a great way for me to stay engaged with what she's going through and what her friends are talking about these days, you may feel that volunteering in the front office to help relieve some of the administrative stress of the school staff and using your natural gifting for organization and love for such tasks is one of your greatest areas of contribution. Think of it this way, when you accept a role in which you only half heartedly feel engaged you could be taking a role from someone with the gifts and talents to really take that role to the next level.

Also, never forget when you say yes to one thing you're saying no to something else. There is always a trade-off. As author, speaker, and leadership expert John Maxwell often says, ask yourself, “What can only I do?” Only I can create the home I desire for my family and be the wife and mom I need to be. But chances are there are probably a dozen other people who will do just as well as I would at being PTO president, if not even better. If I am committed to so many things that my husband comes home to a frazzle wife, my kids get a stressed-out mom, and dinner is whatever we can find in the fridge for the third night in a row, then my number one area is being neglected for the sake of keeping people I don't even know that well happy and pleased with me.

Make a list. What are your top priorities? What are the things you cannot trade? The obligations that are yours and yours alone? If you cannot do them all and still maintain peace in your heart and in your home something is out of balance. Where the Spirit of the Lord is there is liberty… freedom from bondage. (2 Corinthians 3:17) So my question for you is this…Do you feel free? Or do you feel bound?

Here is an example of a very quick pie chart I did with guesstimations of my obligations (that I can remember) as they stand right now prior to signing up for any volunteer stuff at school for this year.  (Time usage for a month based on 720 hours a month (24hs/day 30days/mo.)….don't forget to include sleeping!) This is not an exact science, but boy is it eye-opening!

Even without any school-volunteer commitments yet, I'm left with only 4 hours a week of margin time….only half an hour a day to walk around too tired to think straight, to wander the house looking for my phone...while talking on it!  

Volunteer by all means, but do not spread yourself too thin. Take these last few days of summer break to truly evaluate what is already on your plate and how much room you have for anything else.

Be wary of stretching yourself and pushing past your limits of sanity in an attempt to be all things to all people while in effect neglecting the ones God has entrusted to your care. Many people can be room mom, team parent, PTO president and Sunday school teacher, but only you can be your kids' mom and your husband's wife!

15 Minute "God-Time" Routine

God-time, quiet-time, call it what you will. The fact is, the more our kids need us the more we need Him, and yet the more needy they are the harder it can be to get in our time with the Lord.

I get this. I truly do. I've been through seasons where the best I could do was give thanks while in the bathroom, pray while brushing my teeth, and read a devotional while making my coffee. Regardless

of the season, regardless of how sleep deprived (I think I got a total of six hours sleep in Holden’s first 2 years!), I refused to ever give it up, even if it didn't look exactly the way I wanted it to.

Saying you do not have time to spend with God is like saying you don't have time to breathe. He is the creator and sustainer of our life. His plans for us are greater than we could ever imagine. He is the only one Who knows the way. Nothing can give us the strength, the confidence, the faith, the power and the comfort that time in His presence can. He is our life source. We cannot survive without breathing, and we cannot truly live without being plugged into our Lord.

On the average day I'm up before the sun and the kids with my coffee and my Bible.  It is my favorite part of the day, and I guard it like a hawk! On the days where, for one reason or another that time gets infringed upon I can feel it in every ounce of my spirit, body and soul. (And so can those around me!) I promise you, once you start making this time with God a regular part of your day you will find that you want it more and more. He will create the desire in you. His Word is alive and active (Hebrews 4:12) and never returns void but accomplishes what He sends it out to do. (Isaiah 55:11) It will get

deep down inside you, and you will get to the point where you crave it and cannot stand a day without crawling into the Father's lap and letting Him pour out His love, His wisdom and His power into your heart through His Word.

There is no “right” formula. God just wants to spend time with you. But I know if you’ve been out of practice or are looking to start a new habit, a little structured guidance can help push you in the right direction. Here is a simple plan to help you get going:

• Choose the spot (a comfy chair, the corner of the sofa, etc..). Put your Bible, a journal, a pen and a blanket there.
• Select a 15 minute window...preferably in the a.m. before others are up.
• Take a deep breath, and start with, "Lord, you are awesome! Thank You so much for...." List three things.
• Speak this truth over your home. “He who works deceit shall not dwell in my house; he who tells lies shall not continue in my presence.” ‭Psalm‬ ‭101:7‬ ‭AMPC
• Pray for your baby(s)..."The ways of the Lord are always in the forefront of their minds (Psalm 119:98), and His praise is continually on their lips!" (Psalms 34:1)
• Grab your Bible, and pray, "Lord, open the eyes of my heart that I might behold wondrous things out of your law." Psalm 119:18
• Now read the Word. If you're not sure where to start open to Proverbs or Ephesians, and read a chapter (or even just a few verses if that's all it takes to give your mind something to chew on), and turn into a prayer anything that jumps out at you.

There you go. Simple yet powerful! Again, there’s no one right way to spend time with the Lord. Every morning looks different for me as each day I wake up with different thoughts, people, and concerns on my heart. Have doubts or questions? He can take it! Take those to Him as well. The scripture says in James 4:8 that when we draw near to God He will draw near to us. I challenge you, watch and see what He will do in you when you set aside focused time to be with Him each day.

Click HERE for more posts on getting into the Word and getting something out of it!

Life in Airplane Mode - Tips for families in this crazy connected world of such relational disconnect.

I gotta tell ya, this social media stuff, gadgets always at hand, tablets that never sleep and phones ever at the ready is about to drive me insane! It irritates me when I'm trying to be with someone, and they have their face on a screen, all the while saying “umm hmmm” claiming to be listening. And it drives me crazy when I’m trying to do “something important,” and Tim and the kids accuse me of being distracted!

While I will not deny there have been many advantages to this tech phenomena over the past decade...no doubt my mom would have loved the ability to pack up our VHS for the 14 hour summer road trips or to have been able to put our size of a bread box, make your shoulder sore camcorder in her purse...I dislike what screens have done to our relationships and our nerves. Is is just me or has “social media” made us less social?

Now,  I can be just as guilty as the next person, even though I always have a very good excuse...wink wink. The fact is this constant compulsion to check phones and feeds is not healthy for our growing families. Despite the fact that we may be sitting on the floor right next to our kids half-heartedly playing a game or listening to their stories this does not mean we are actually engaging with them. Our children are not stupid! They know when we are not really plugged in and when they do not have our attention. Trust me. This can have extreme negative consequences that we will reap over the years to come.

Our children will conclude that maybe we don't really care about what they have to say, so why should they bother to share anything? While you may not mind occasionally missing out on the latest antics of their imaginary friend or Spiderman or the gang from Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, when things get tougher in their world you're going to wish they had not developed the habit of not coming to you when they were younger.


Let me suggest a few tips that might help us in this crazy connected world of such relational disconnection:

1. The airplane mode is not only for flying! I have developed a habit myself that every evening once the kids are in bed my phone goes on airplane mode, and I am pretty much unreachable to the outside world. Anything anybody needs at that time can wait until the next day. This is my time to be with Tim, and not just as a body sitting there, but actually be there even if all we do is laugh together at the same silly reruns of Seinfeld. I'm there, and we're connected.

2. Schedule your screen time. If you need to be sure you check your email, social media or make phone calls pick blocks of time. Find 20 minutes to focus on just that, and put it on your schedule. (The kids whining outside the door will survive your short absence, but you may want to turn on some white noise.)

3. Set up a few boundaries, and communicate these boundaries. Don't decide that you're going to check email for 20 minutes from 9 to 9:30 each morning and expect no one to interrupt you if you have not let them know that this is your plan. If you're off-limits when you need to be off-limits and fully engaged when you're actually there your boundaries will be much more respected, and you will be more satisfied in your relationships.

4. Multitasking is a ridiculous myth! Don't try to multitask! It is a ridiculous lie we tell ourselves (unless, of course we are folding laundry and catching up on HGTV) because someone will get left out, and most likely it will be those closest to you...the ones who need you the most. Scripture is clear that we cannot serve two masters (Matthew 6:24). Might we take that so far as to say you cannot engage with your family and Pinterest... though I do love my Pinterest!
Quality relationships will not come without quality time and quality focus with quality intent. When attempting to multitask you'll never feel satisfied because you're always jumping back-and-forth from one thing to another. You'll never feel like you've actually accomplished anything, yet at the same time you'll leave behind a string of disappointed people, half finished tasks, and tables riddled with coffee rings

So go on. I dare you! Tonight after dinner, or maybe even before, push that airplane mode button, and see if things don't seem a little bit more peaceful, focused and genuine in your home.

Great resource alert! "Growing Up Social: Raising relational kids in a screen-driven world," by Arlene Pellicane and Dr. Gary Chapman, best-selling author of "The 5 Love Languages." 

Teach your kids to ride a bike and walk with the Lord...at the same.

If you keep the eyes of your heart and the ears of your spirit aware and alert at all times you will be amazed how much the Lord will teach you about Himself and His ways through the ordinary flow of everyday life. You'll also find then how the opportunities to pass these truths on to your kids will seemlessly weave

themselves into the fabric of countless, commonplace activities.  In the spring Holden learned to ride his "two wheel" bike. While he learned in about 48 hours and is quite impressive, he is still learning the art of confident riding. 

One day Holden, Mikaela and I went out for a ride to the school playground. Holden was having some major issues with trust. He started out great. On the straightaways he was a real pro, but when he would look ahead and see a point at which a directional choice would be required he would lose it and begin frantically yelling, "Which way do I go? What do I do? Do I cross the road now?" When I was in front of him or he was sure of the way all was calm, but let me get behind him and he would freak out! Though I was right behind him, because he couldn't see me he thought maybe I wasn't there, wasn't paying attention, wasn't going to help him or keep him safe. What he needed to be doing was just to listen for my voice and trust that I was always within safe and quick range.

Any of this sound familiar? Not only did I watch as the Lord unfolded these truths in my mind, I took this opportunity to use this object lesson to talk to my kids about how learning to ride a bike is like learning to walk with the Lord.

Trust and follow. Stop talking. Stop trying to figure it out. Stop asking so many questions. Simply trust and follow.

When we run into tough stuff (like Holden veering off the sidewalk and into the grass), if we stop and let fear paralyze us we will get stuck there. We will fall, and we will get hurt. However, if we decide to push through (pedal harder), perhaps reposition ourselves (stand up if we need to), and follow on when we get in those tough spots we will come out on the other side, and we will be stronger having learned valuable lessons to apply the next time we're in a tough spot or perhaps to share with others and teach them as they learn to navigate their own tough spots.

We will all have times in our lives when uncertainty threatens to shake our faith, but praise the Lord, unlike me He is slow to anger and not given to bouts of impatience, irritability and mood swings! 

Trust that He is always there, and He knows every turn along life's path. He will direct you, and He is always watching. Just trust and follow!

Stay in Jerusalem?! Run for the hills, or stay and watch Him work?

One Sunday several months back, about halfway through the sermon the pastor read Acts 1:4. At this point, I am sorry to say, I had mentally derailed. Don't get me wrong, our pastor is very engaging....sorry, Jason it's not you, it's me! (Actually, I highly encourage you to check out our online sermon log www.thecoastlinechurch.com. The Spirit is moving on the Space Coast, my friends!)

Anyhow, I'm ashamed to say I'm not really quite sure why he read that verse, but as I stared at it on the big screen I had one of those moments when something just jumped out at me.

This verse comes from the days after Jesus had risen from the dead but before He ascended to heaven. It says, "While being together and eating with them, He commanded them not to leave

Jerusalem, but to wait for what the Father had promised, “Of which,” He said, “you have heard Me speak."

Stop and read that again. What?! Stay in Jerusalem? Do you have any idea what Jerusalem was like for the disciples at that time? These men, big, strong, blue-collar guys, were hiding in fear for their lives. Just a few days before they thought they had lost everything when the One for Whom they had laid everything down was crucified on a cross for all to see. Their faith was shaken to the core. Then, three days later when Christ rose from the grave, as He had already told them He would, their faith was restored, but their lives were in more danger than ever. They were being hunted by all of the officials and all of the guards. The most feared officers in the known world wanted their heads. People were threatened by Christ...just as they are today. When His body was gone the officials were willing to go to any extremes necessary to prove that the disciples were behind the disappearance. As the disciples were most likely making plans to "get out of Dodge," Christ said, "Stay in Jerusalem. Stay in the midst of your trouble. Stay in the middle of the hardest time of your life. Stay though fear so grips you that death would be a welcome escape. Stay in Jerusalem," He said, "and wait for what God has promised, which you have already heard from me."

 Wow! What a powerful message for our lives. We've all had those times where maybe it would be easier to just run away. We're scared or frightened. We just want to get out of the situation. We frantically look around, searching for a way of escape, but listen. Is Christ whispering to your heart, "Stay and wait to see what God has promised. The promises that you have read in my Word. The promises I already told you about. Stay and wait and see."?

This reminds me of another of my very favorite passages found in Exodus 14:13-14, "Moses told the people, Fear not; stand still (firm, confident, undismayed) and see the salvation of the Lord which He will work for you today. For the Egyptians you have seen today you shall never see again. The Lord

will fight for you, and you shall hold your peace and remain at rest." (STOP.....Write this one down, and commit it to memory. Trust me! You'll find many applicable times to use it.)

There are times when common sense tells you God has provided a way out of your tough situation, and you need to take it. But there are other times when God wants to show you just how awesome He is, and He says, "Stand still and watch. I will fight for you!"

Only personal, devoted, regular, quiet time with the Lord will answer the question for you of which type of situation yours is. But rest assured, God will do what He has promised. The things you have already heard from His Word!

My friends, there is so much purpose in pain. Some times we must be still in the midst of it to see how great our God is and how His ways are so much greater than our own. See more Purpose in Pain posts HERE.