I have to say one of the best lessons I learned a couple years ago was to stop fighting insomnia. God gave me this great object lesson when I was thinking about my frequent sleepless nights. I used to spend them tossing and turning, fighting the fact that I was not at all sleepy despite being exhausted when climbing into bed and only getting 3 hours sleep. If I did finally manage to fall back to sleep after literally hours of lying there wide awake, I was never happy and rested the next morning. Only groggy and irritated.
I would even sometimes get upset with the Lord in the middle of the night. It would go something like this, "God, you know that I am an exhausted mom of two little kids who need very little sleep and have an unending supply of energy. You know I am with these wonderful little crazies all day every day, months at a time with not so much as an hour when I don't have to be "on." Please! I NEED my sleep!!" But one day, while thinking about this struggle, this passage came to mind...
"But God—so rich is He in His mercy! Because of and in order to satisfy the great and wonderful and intense love with which He loved us, Even when we were dead (slain) by [our own] shortcomings and trespasses, He made us alive together in fellowship and in union with Christ;" Ephesians 2:4-5 (AMP)
WOW! Isn't it mind-blowing to think that the God of the universe needed to satisfy the intense love He has for you??? I began to see my sleeplessness in a whole new way. Do you remember being a kid and your grandparents sleeping over? Or perhaps you've witnessed your own kids when grandparents come for a visit. It is all I can do to keep Mikaela and Holden from busting down the door to the guest room at 6 a.m. each morning because they are dying to get in there and wake them up! They can't wait to spend time with them! I feel God has shown me that He is the same way. Now, when my eyes pop open at 2:30 in the morning and I know sleep is not coming I often smile. I realize God is like a little child who can't contain Himself when it comes to how much He loves me! It's like He is sitting by my bed saying, "Come on! Come on! Get up! Get up! I want to spend some time with you!" And He and I both know that if I get out of bed at that time He won't have to share me with anyone else fighting for my attention. And even though I may fall asleep on the couch after sometime together, you can bet I am in a much better mood when the sun comes up than if I'd laid in bed irritated most of the night.
Perhaps the hardest part about these middle of the night rituals is the fact that I am convinced that the same children who have managed to sleep through fireworks and smoke alarms can hear me breath from three rooms away at 3 a.m. I walk around like some ridiculous robot that needs a serious oil job trying not to make a sound. I'm talking stirring my coffee slowly and precisely so as not to bump the sides of the mug for fear of being found out! :) But all in all, these are special times! The next time you can't sleep, don't fight it. Instead, realize the God of the universe is begging you to get up and spend time with Him!
