Yes, all my plants are dead. But it's for the children! How to turn your weaknesses into life lessons they won't forget.

I have always been a firm believer that my mess is my message. I have an uncanny ability to greatly threaten the life of any potted plant under my jurisdiction. You know those plants that are supposed to be drought resistant, hardy, able to survive all the elements, impossible to kill? Yeah, well under my care even they have to fight for survival! But even that can be used for good. :-) 

Both my children (each at the age of 3) have a memory of being by my side learning to prune plants, picking off the dead stuff. As we did so I took the opportunity to explain to them how God prunes us because He loves us. It's a long, difficult, sometimes painful process, but God pulls out the bad stuff in our lives so that we can grow more good stuff. It's an incredible object lesson that, were my plants not dried up, scraggly and fighting for their lives, my children would have never had the opportunity to participate in. :-)

Do you have messes in your life that you should just fess up to and allow God to use for His good? Don’t be ashamed of your struggles, your weaknesses. Instead, examine them, and see how you can use them as life lessons for your kiddos. Don't be afraid (or too proud) to bring your children alongside you, and let them help you clean up your messes. In doing so, you can take the opportunity to point them to the perfect, loving Father who continually prunes us and makes us bloom.

As you may have heard … the Light shines better through cracked pots!

"I am the true Vine, and My Father is the vinedresser. 2 Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit, He takes away; and every branch that continues to bear fruit, He [repeatedly] prunes, so that it will bear more fruit [even richer and finer fruit]." John 15:1-2 (AMP)

Click HERE for more thoughts on parenting.

Teach your kids to ride a bike and walk with the Lord...at the same.

If you keep the eyes of your heart and the ears of your spirit aware and alert at all times you will be amazed how much the Lord will teach you about Himself and His ways through the ordinary flow of everyday life. You'll also find then how the opportunities to pass these truths on to your kids will seemlessly weave

themselves into the fabric of countless, commonplace activities.  In the spring Holden learned to ride his "two wheel" bike. While he learned in about 48 hours and is quite impressive, he is still learning the art of confident riding. 

One day Holden, Mikaela and I went out for a ride to the school playground. Holden was having some major issues with trust. He started out great. On the straightaways he was a real pro, but when he would look ahead and see a point at which a directional choice would be required he would lose it and begin frantically yelling, "Which way do I go? What do I do? Do I cross the road now?" When I was in front of him or he was sure of the way all was calm, but let me get behind him and he would freak out! Though I was right behind him, because he couldn't see me he thought maybe I wasn't there, wasn't paying attention, wasn't going to help him or keep him safe. What he needed to be doing was just to listen for my voice and trust that I was always within safe and quick range.

Any of this sound familiar? Not only did I watch as the Lord unfolded these truths in my mind, I took this opportunity to use this object lesson to talk to my kids about how learning to ride a bike is like learning to walk with the Lord.

Trust and follow. Stop talking. Stop trying to figure it out. Stop asking so many questions. Simply trust and follow.

When we run into tough stuff (like Holden veering off the sidewalk and into the grass), if we stop and let fear paralyze us we will get stuck there. We will fall, and we will get hurt. However, if we decide to push through (pedal harder), perhaps reposition ourselves (stand up if we need to), and follow on when we get in those tough spots we will come out on the other side, and we will be stronger having learned valuable lessons to apply the next time we're in a tough spot or perhaps to share with others and teach them as they learn to navigate their own tough spots.

We will all have times in our lives when uncertainty threatens to shake our faith, but praise the Lord, unlike me He is slow to anger and not given to bouts of impatience, irritability and mood swings! 

Trust that He is always there, and He knows every turn along life's path. He will direct you, and He is always watching. Just trust and follow!

Kids Are Like Concrete!

If you know anything about the process of pouring concrete, you know that the wet mixture is not simply poured in the desired spot with no guidelines. You don't pour it out and hope it stays in the right place. You build a temporary frame (a mold, boundaries) in which the wet mixture is allowed to form and harden.

Once poured into the frame, much care is taken to gently smooth out all the rough spots using proper tools and gentle yet firm, consistent pressure. All of this is done within the safety of the temporary framework (or boundaries). While the concrete is drying you must be vigilant to safeguard it. Keep an eye on it to ensure it is not messed with while drying. Because it is so impressionable at this stage, some people have a hard time not messing with it. And there are also things that simply occur in everyday life, such as debris blowing across it and sticking to the wet surface. You must be always at the ready to do damage control. Go back and smooth out these areas again and again so they don't dry that way. As the keeper of the concrete you must constantly be alert and keep watch while it is in this vulnerable state.

Finally, don't remove the frame (boundaries) too soon. If the concrete is not ready, any pressure applied will cause it to run all over the place, or at the very least, it will leave a mark. Wait until it has set up properly. Then once it is strong enough the frame can be removed, and it is then able to withstand extreme amounts of force and still keep its shape.

Please note: It is much easier to shape and smooth and form the concrete when it is new and wet. Early in the process the mixture can be molded and shaped with simple tools and gentle pressure but, wait too long, and you will need a jackhammer! This would be much harder on the concrete and the operator!

It can be hard to resist leaving your own mark on wet concrete! When it comes to the moldable lives of our young children, how about taking your tools and writing the name of Jesus on the surface? Then wait patiently and confidently for it to permanently dry in place before removing the necessary boundaries.

A favorite Mommy and Mikaela pic from 2013

For more on boundaries and kids I highly recommend the book "Boundaries with Kids" by Henry Cloud and John Townsend.

A Word on Discipline: How to distinguish between "foolishness" and "childishness."

How do you know? Ever witnessed your little bundle of joy make a less than stellar decision that stops you in your tracks and makes you ask yourself, "Should I punish that?" Boy, have I been there! Especially when my kids were younger. In fact, during the toddler years I frequently found myself just staring at them blankly and saying, "I really don't know what to do with that. On the one hand, that was a terrible choice and quite frankly really embarrassed me in front of all the moms in the checkout line. On the other hand, she's three! Is that part of being three and an area to extend grace, or do I need to jump on this before it becomes a larger problem and the foolishness bound up in her heart begins to wreak havoc on our home and destroy her future?!" Ok, that may be a bit of an exaggeration, but you get where I'm coming from. 

The following (written in the summer of 2013) was the result of the Lord speaking to my desperate, exhausted mommy heart as I pushed my then 1 and 3 year olds across the hot blacktop with a cart full of groceries, and stared with dumbfounded wonder

at my adorable, curly haired girl who was, at that moment, making me want to pull every last one of my own blond locks right out of my head! 

---------

Last year Tim and I took a wonderful parenting class at our church. The point was made that when it comes to disciplining your young children you must first determine whether the offense falls under foolishness or childishness. Foolishness being a definite sin that requires immediate and firm correction. Childishness being an action that springs from the immaturity of their little minds and hearts that, while possibly inappropriate, really is just a simple lesson they have yet to grasp and need to be gently instructed on. Could be classified as "silly." (I guess in a sense you could say disobedience vs. silliness.)

I know there is always a cloud of debate surrounding words like punishment, discipline and correction. For our purposes "correction" is the giving of guidance and the changing of course (teaching the proper way), while "discipline" is the handing out of a consequence to make clear that the action/choice was not acceptable. 

Over the past few months I have found myself struggling with distinguishing between foolishness and childishness. I've become concerned that I may have been missing some opportunities for foundational Biblical correction so important in shaping Mikaela's young life. (At 14 months, nearly all of Holden's flubs are childishness. On occasion, he gets that glint in his eye, and I know he knows better. At this point a firm "No" and a swat is sufficient, since he does not yet grasp the deeper Biblical truths I am trying to impart! :) But he's getting there!! :) )

Now, let me first say that I LOVE my babies, and being Mommy is the greatest privilege I've ever had! That being said...I'm not a "Kid Person" in general. I'm going to assume I am not alone in this. :) I've never been one to gravitate towards kids. Heck, I was more likely to run the other way! I always knew I wanted my own, but never had the urge to be around someone else's. So obviously I am not called to children's ministry! Praise God there are those with that gifting who are making a powerful impact on our world's future!  All this being said, I have a very low tolerance for "childishness," so what may be a simple childish act could easily hit me as a much greater offense than it really is. For this reason I have struggled with the distinction.

So to get to the point! :) I have spent much time talking with Tim and praying about this issue. On Tuesday I was walking through the grocery parking lot, and the Lord gave me what I think is a great parenting tip..."When you are trying to determine if an action warrants discipline ask yourself, "Would the Lord be pleased with this behavior?"' Was the action in line with God's desire for how we live our lives? Did the action show love as Christ has commanded us to do? If the answer is "no," and if this is a principle that your child already knows, then I would say, yes, discipline is called for.

Please note the part about your child already knowing the Biblical principle in play. A child cannot obey a rule they've never been taught, regardless of how obvious we think it should be! "Don't put the toy in the toilet....don't eat the dog's food...don't put your hands in your dirty diaper...." You get my point. 

However, if an action unquestionably goes against a line you have clearly drawn then, yes, discipline is in order. But when you find yourself in that moment of limbo, I encourage you to first ask yourself, "Have we covered this?" And be sure to give your kids credit. They know when they cross set boundaries a lot more than you may think they do.

I have taught Mikaela from an early age (18-24mos) that Jesus wants us to love everybody. I've added to that as she has matured, so that now she also knows that we are to treat others the way we want to be treated, and that we show God we love Him by obeying Him and obeying our parents. If an action is out of line with these precepts then she understands that it is disobedience, and she knows that disobedience calls for discipline. Follow me?     

Hope I didn't lose you and that what the Lord showed me has given you something good to think about as you continue on with your highest calling...raising powerful men and women of God!

"For whom the Lord loves He corrects, Just as a father the son in whom he delights." Proverbs 3:12

You may also like - "5 Game-changing Phrases You Should Teach Your Kids Today"

If you haven't already please check me out The Mommy Call on Facebook!