It is no coincidence that the day after my last post I woke with lifted spirits, a song of praise on my lips and a joyous feeling of being wrapped in my Father's arms. My circumstances had not changed, but I have no doubt that the power of your payers for me made such a difference!
Why do we insist on carrying our burdens alone...hoping to just get over it rather than opening our hearts to fellow brothers and sisters at the onset, allowing them to join us in our battle as we fight the good fight against the powers of this world which are constantly striving for control of our minds and seeking to rob us of all joy and in the process inhibiting us from making any impact for the Kingdom as we stew in our own pit of self-doubt and human inability? (WOW! That was the longest sentence ever!) But the fact is, we need each other! We are called to bear each others' burdens, to spur each other on to good works. We are to stir each other up in the Spirit and agree together in prayer. There is such power in doing things God's way!
A special thanks to the beautiful women who reached out to me over the past few days to let me know you have been lifting me up in prayer! Love you guys!!!!!
I still have struggles, but thanks to your prayers and the faithfulness of the Lord I have renewed hope and peace and joy! To God be the glory!
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11/20/14
11/18/14
Full Disclosure
I'm struggling, and I'm ticked off about it! :-) Here I am "stuck" in paradise, and I can't get my faith or my emotions to cooperate.
While I always do my best to approach circumstances from a positive and Biblical perspective I never want to give the impression that I am without struggles! Quite the opposite! Like many women I know, I have battled fear, anxiety, depression and emotional instability for about as long as I can remember. Each day is a delicate balance between striving to be the wife, mother and woman I long to be and yet being reminded on a nearly hourly basis of just how far I still have to go.
This being said, I am a firm believer in the truth of Proverbs 18 which tells us that our words are containers for power, whether for good or for evil and that we will have the fruit of them. Because of this I choose to speak life regardless of how I feel. My typically positive approach is not a front or a fake. It is a decision that I have come to after many years of trial and error. I still have a long way to go, but as I open my mouth and speak positive and close my mouth, refusing to give voice to the negative thoughts in my mind, I find the truth of the Scripture playing out over and over again as the power of His word and my hopeful expectation of what He is doing and is going to do through my situations calms my spirit and heals my soul.
But lately I have not been doing such a good job...In complete transparency, I am having a bit of a tough time right now. This transition is going to take a little longer than expected to get settled into our new home. Our lives have been in limbo most of this year beginning with Tim's continuous travel starting in March, the decision to move, the selling of our home, the buying of another home, and now what is going to end up being over a month of being homeless as we await the completion of the renovations. :-) Two weeks at my parents', 3 or more weeks at his parents', and him traveling Monday through Friday for work, is most definitely exhausting. I figured it up this morning and realized for one reason or another I have only slept through the night twice in the last 3 weeks! I will say this year has given me a slight insight into how hard it is to be a single parent, and I admire those of you who are even more so.
Despite the exhaustion and slight unrest of the situation the worst part is the fact that I'm struggling at all! I am with family who loves us, and I am currently in beautiful Southwest Florida that may very well have been the inspiration for the word paradise! It is so easy to beat myself up for my moments of weakness and discontentment. Being displaced for a month with two kids and a dog with the hubby constantly traveling can get a little tough, but it is all for good reasons, and the Lord is continually showing us that He is in every detail of this move!
I'm so thankful that David was so transparent. As we read the Psalm we see a man who clearly struggled with depression and doubts and yet was called "a man after God's own heart." The Lord continued to love David and pour out blessings on him. So thankful He doesn't give up on us even when we come so close to giving up on ourselves. He promises we will find Him when we seek Him with our whole heart, and in Isaiah we are told that if we wait on Him He will renew our strength. What awesome promises that we can lean on in times when we feel emotionally blah and spiritually empty. He is there for us, and thank goodness that even when we lack faith He is faithful. So glad my "spirituality" does not dictate His faithfulness!
"Bless the Lord, O my soul; And all that is within me, bless His holy name! Bless the Lord, O my soul, And forget not all His benefits:" Psalm 103:1-2
See! David even had to have a talk with his soul to tell it to bless the Lord...guess it wasn't cooperating! :) Praise God there's hope for me! :)
While I always do my best to approach circumstances from a positive and Biblical perspective I never want to give the impression that I am without struggles! Quite the opposite! Like many women I know, I have battled fear, anxiety, depression and emotional instability for about as long as I can remember. Each day is a delicate balance between striving to be the wife, mother and woman I long to be and yet being reminded on a nearly hourly basis of just how far I still have to go.
This being said, I am a firm believer in the truth of Proverbs 18 which tells us that our words are containers for power, whether for good or for evil and that we will have the fruit of them. Because of this I choose to speak life regardless of how I feel. My typically positive approach is not a front or a fake. It is a decision that I have come to after many years of trial and error. I still have a long way to go, but as I open my mouth and speak positive and close my mouth, refusing to give voice to the negative thoughts in my mind, I find the truth of the Scripture playing out over and over again as the power of His word and my hopeful expectation of what He is doing and is going to do through my situations calms my spirit and heals my soul.
But lately I have not been doing such a good job...In complete transparency, I am having a bit of a tough time right now. This transition is going to take a little longer than expected to get settled into our new home. Our lives have been in limbo most of this year beginning with Tim's continuous travel starting in March, the decision to move, the selling of our home, the buying of another home, and now what is going to end up being over a month of being homeless as we await the completion of the renovations. :-) Two weeks at my parents', 3 or more weeks at his parents', and him traveling Monday through Friday for work, is most definitely exhausting. I figured it up this morning and realized for one reason or another I have only slept through the night twice in the last 3 weeks! I will say this year has given me a slight insight into how hard it is to be a single parent, and I admire those of you who are even more so.
Despite the exhaustion and slight unrest of the situation the worst part is the fact that I'm struggling at all! I am with family who loves us, and I am currently in beautiful Southwest Florida that may very well have been the inspiration for the word paradise! It is so easy to beat myself up for my moments of weakness and discontentment. Being displaced for a month with two kids and a dog with the hubby constantly traveling can get a little tough, but it is all for good reasons, and the Lord is continually showing us that He is in every detail of this move!
I'm so thankful that David was so transparent. As we read the Psalm we see a man who clearly struggled with depression and doubts and yet was called "a man after God's own heart." The Lord continued to love David and pour out blessings on him. So thankful He doesn't give up on us even when we come so close to giving up on ourselves. He promises we will find Him when we seek Him with our whole heart, and in Isaiah we are told that if we wait on Him He will renew our strength. What awesome promises that we can lean on in times when we feel emotionally blah and spiritually empty. He is there for us, and thank goodness that even when we lack faith He is faithful. So glad my "spirituality" does not dictate His faithfulness!
"Bless the Lord, O my soul; And all that is within me, bless His holy name! Bless the Lord, O my soul, And forget not all His benefits:" Psalm 103:1-2
See! David even had to have a talk with his soul to tell it to bless the Lord...guess it wasn't cooperating! :) Praise God there's hope for me! :)
11/3/14
Florida via Kentucky
The shortest distance between 2 points may be a straight line but a direct route is not always the best path! We are halfway through our 2 week stop on our way to Florida via Kentucky. :-) While this stop is completely out of the natural way to our new home, it is an incredible blessing to take this time to spend two weeks with my family. The cousins are getting to play together, and I'm getting to soak in one last dose of my favorite season!
Our journeys to "the next thing" can include a lot of stops along the way, and if we are not careful we can miss the blessings in the trip because we are too focused on the destination. Wherever you are, take time to stop and look around. Give thanks for your blessings and enjoy the moments. Try to spend time seeing what the Lord is doing instead of focusing on what you are trying to accomplish.
Our journeys to "the next thing" can include a lot of stops along the way, and if we are not careful we can miss the blessings in the trip because we are too focused on the destination. Wherever you are, take time to stop and look around. Give thanks for your blessings and enjoy the moments. Try to spend time seeing what the Lord is doing instead of focusing on what you are trying to accomplish.
10/19/14
New Adventures!
Less than a week to go! On Saturday morning when the sunrises on Northern Virginia, Lord willing, we will be several hours into our next adventure! So much awaits that is yet to be discovered! While leaving will be bittersweet as the last 10 years have been wonderful times filled with precious people, I can't help but be overcome with a growing anticipation of the things the Lord has in store for us!
Any time you head into an "unknown" situation, remember...it is only unknown to you. God, the only one who really matters, has known (and planned) your journey since before time began! Your future is not really unknown, simply yet to be unwrapped. Our God goes before us, and He has great plans for us! (Jeremiah 29:11) He delights in being good to His servants (Psalm 35:27), and He has promised to never leave us. Jesus made no bones about the fact that we would have troubles along the way, but He gave us great hope in saying He has already overcome this world! (John 16:33) A very wise lady just told me this week, when life gets turbulent those are the times to run and hide in the love of our Lord until the storm passes. He will hold us securely there and will bestow great blessings we never could have otherwise experienced without having traversed the rocky paths.
Make a decision to never again fear the unknown for there is nothing unknown to God.
Indialantic, FL, here we come!
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Any time you head into an "unknown" situation, remember...it is only unknown to you. God, the only one who really matters, has known (and planned) your journey since before time began! Your future is not really unknown, simply yet to be unwrapped. Our God goes before us, and He has great plans for us! (Jeremiah 29:11) He delights in being good to His servants (Psalm 35:27), and He has promised to never leave us. Jesus made no bones about the fact that we would have troubles along the way, but He gave us great hope in saying He has already overcome this world! (John 16:33) A very wise lady just told me this week, when life gets turbulent those are the times to run and hide in the love of our Lord until the storm passes. He will hold us securely there and will bestow great blessings we never could have otherwise experienced without having traversed the rocky paths.
"And the Lord, He is the One who goes before you. He will be with you, He will not leave you nor forsake you; do not fear nor be dismayed." Deuteronomy 31:8
Make a decision to never again fear the unknown for there is nothing unknown to God.
Indialantic, FL, here we come!
9/29/14
Crazy Woman!
"Lord, please let my children see You in me...and not just some crazy woman!" This morning in the midst of home-schooling frustration I just stopped and bowed my head to internally scream out to God for help. Mikaela asked me what I was doing, and I had a choice to make. I could say, "Nothing. Now, read this word," or I could open up and let my weakness show. I chose the later and said, "I was praying." To which she responded in further challenge, "For what?" I honestly said, "For peace and wisdom." Then we went on about our lesson.
I pray that will be a moment she will think of when she feels herself reaching her end. Perhaps she will recall mommy stopping in the middle of everything to approach the throne to give a quick cry out to the source of our strength and then choose to follow suit.
I want to challenge all parents (grandparents, aunts and uncles, etc...), instead of attempting to "never let them see you sweat" be transparent enough that they can witness from where you draw your strength.
Don't attempt to put up a front or lead your kids to believe that you have it all together. They will learn the truth soon enough (probably long before we realize!). Instead, let them see that your ability comes from the One who never fails and not from yourself. Remember, God is most glorified when we get out of the way and let His power be made perfect in out weakness!
"And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me." 2 Cor. 12:9
I once wrote a song with this line "If it takes my weakness for Your Power to be known, then Lord, let my weakness show." I pray I can humbly live out this line especially in parenting where I am the first line of defense between my kids and the ways of the world. I pray they will see God's way of handling life as opposed to learning how the world says it should be done. And if it takes my often overwhelmed, extremely exhausted, anxiety ridden mommy brain to get that done then so be it! :) To God be the glory!
I pray that will be a moment she will think of when she feels herself reaching her end. Perhaps she will recall mommy stopping in the middle of everything to approach the throne to give a quick cry out to the source of our strength and then choose to follow suit.
I want to challenge all parents (grandparents, aunts and uncles, etc...), instead of attempting to "never let them see you sweat" be transparent enough that they can witness from where you draw your strength.
Don't attempt to put up a front or lead your kids to believe that you have it all together. They will learn the truth soon enough (probably long before we realize!). Instead, let them see that your ability comes from the One who never fails and not from yourself. Remember, God is most glorified when we get out of the way and let His power be made perfect in out weakness!
"And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me." 2 Cor. 12:9
I once wrote a song with this line "If it takes my weakness for Your Power to be known, then Lord, let my weakness show." I pray I can humbly live out this line especially in parenting where I am the first line of defense between my kids and the ways of the world. I pray they will see God's way of handling life as opposed to learning how the world says it should be done. And if it takes my often overwhelmed, extremely exhausted, anxiety ridden mommy brain to get that done then so be it! :) To God be the glory!
9/18/14
Two Things I said I would Never Do!
I am right in the middle of two things I said I would never do, and even more astonishing...I am enjoying them!! :)
What are they? I used to say I could never live in Florida and that I could never homeschool. If you haven't already heard, Tim has accepted a position in Indialantic, FL, and we will be moving in the next 6 weeks! And due to this move I realized homeschooling Mikaela, who has just started kindergarten, was the best way to make a smooth transition.
It is incredible! Despite my own previously held beliefs, I am so excited by all the Lord is doing and this incredible, albeit exhausting at times, season He has us in. At every turn He is confirming His plans for us. From selling our home in 3 days to Mikaela choosing on her own to wake up at 6 a.m. every morning to get in an hour of school before we get Holden up.
I am as surprised as anyone by the events unfolding in our lives, but boy is it fun to watch Him work!
Have you ever experienced this? It is amazing how the Lord can change your heart about some thing! But we shouldn't be surprised. This is exactly what the Bible says will happen. His promises are so true. And here's the really fun part...the more you know His Word the more you recognize it when He is fulfilling it in you! If you delight yourself in Him He really will give you the desires of your heart. (Psalm 37:4) He will cause you to desire the things He has planned for you. So take a deep breath! The pressure is off! It is not your job to figure out what His will is for your life. It is your job to love the Lord with all your heart and trust that He will gently and flawlessly lead you in His best for you. You don't have to have all the answers...you just have to have faith!
Stay tuned for more updates! I'll try to keep the blog up to date with the most recent events and antics! :)
What are they? I used to say I could never live in Florida and that I could never homeschool. If you haven't already heard, Tim has accepted a position in Indialantic, FL, and we will be moving in the next 6 weeks! And due to this move I realized homeschooling Mikaela, who has just started kindergarten, was the best way to make a smooth transition.
It is incredible! Despite my own previously held beliefs, I am so excited by all the Lord is doing and this incredible, albeit exhausting at times, season He has us in. At every turn He is confirming His plans for us. From selling our home in 3 days to Mikaela choosing on her own to wake up at 6 a.m. every morning to get in an hour of school before we get Holden up.
I am as surprised as anyone by the events unfolding in our lives, but boy is it fun to watch Him work!
Have you ever experienced this? It is amazing how the Lord can change your heart about some thing! But we shouldn't be surprised. This is exactly what the Bible says will happen. His promises are so true. And here's the really fun part...the more you know His Word the more you recognize it when He is fulfilling it in you! If you delight yourself in Him He really will give you the desires of your heart. (Psalm 37:4) He will cause you to desire the things He has planned for you. So take a deep breath! The pressure is off! It is not your job to figure out what His will is for your life. It is your job to love the Lord with all your heart and trust that He will gently and flawlessly lead you in His best for you. You don't have to have all the answers...you just have to have faith!
Stay tuned for more updates! I'll try to keep the blog up to date with the most recent events and antics! :)
"Roll your works upon the Lord [commit and trust them wholly to Him; He will cause your thoughts to become agreeable to His will, and] so shall your plans be established and succeed." Proverbs 16:3
"A man’s mind plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps and makes them sure." Proverbs 16:9
7/28/14
Purpose in Pain: On to a Better Land!
“And you shall remember that the LORD your God led you all the way these forty years in the wilderness, to humble you and test you, to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep His commandments or not. So He humbled you, allowed you to hunger, and fed you with manna which you did not know nor did your fathers know, that He might make you know that man shall not live by bread alone; but man lives by every word that proceeds from the mouth of the LORD. For the LORD your God is bringing you into a good land…” Deuteronomy 8:2-3, 7a
On the other side of your wilderness is a good land! But do not forget the lessons learned. For this reason, pile up stones of remembrance for yourself and others. After the Lord “dried up the waters of the Jordan” for the people of Israel to cross over, Joshua told the priests to gather up stones and he piled them up so that for generations people would see these stones and ask what they meant, and then they would be able to tell of all their great God had done. Joshua said it best in Joshua 4:24.
“That all the peoples of the earth may know that the hand of the Lord is mighty and that you may reverence and fear the Lord your God forever.”
So after the loss of out baby in early 2011 I added a small, gold heart to my charm necklace that holds Mikaela’s (and now Holden's) birthstone and to which I had planned to add the September sapphire. This small heart is there to remind me that in reality I am a mother of three, though one is being kept by a much more capable parent than I. It is also there to remind me of the power of God in this difficult time, of the light He shed in my darkest hour. And if anyone questions the significance of that little gold heart, the door will be wide open for me to share about the awesome power of God.
Do not dwell on the past. Do not fall into the pit of what might have been at the risk of forsaking what can be. Allow God to complete the wonderful work He has begun in you. (Philippians 1:6)
Learn from the past, live in the present, and look expectantly into your future. God has great things in store for you! To God be the glory!
On the other side of your wilderness is a good land! But do not forget the lessons learned. For this reason, pile up stones of remembrance for yourself and others. After the Lord “dried up the waters of the Jordan” for the people of Israel to cross over, Joshua told the priests to gather up stones and he piled them up so that for generations people would see these stones and ask what they meant, and then they would be able to tell of all their great God had done. Joshua said it best in Joshua 4:24.
“That all the peoples of the earth may know that the hand of the Lord is mighty and that you may reverence and fear the Lord your God forever.”
So after the loss of out baby in early 2011 I added a small, gold heart to my charm necklace that holds Mikaela’s (and now Holden's) birthstone and to which I had planned to add the September sapphire. This small heart is there to remind me that in reality I am a mother of three, though one is being kept by a much more capable parent than I. It is also there to remind me of the power of God in this difficult time, of the light He shed in my darkest hour. And if anyone questions the significance of that little gold heart, the door will be wide open for me to share about the awesome power of God.
Do not dwell on the past. Do not fall into the pit of what might have been at the risk of forsaking what can be. Allow God to complete the wonderful work He has begun in you. (Philippians 1:6)
Learn from the past, live in the present, and look expectantly into your future. God has great things in store for you! To God be the glory!
“Now to Him Who, by (in consequence of) the [action of His] power that is at work within us, is able to [carry out His purpose and] do superabundantly, far over and above all that we [dare] ask or think [infinitely beyond our highest prayers, desires, thoughts, hopes, or dreams]” Ephesians 3:20
Update: On April 15, 2012 we welcomed a healthy and highly anticipated baby boy. Holden is now 2, and he is such an incredible blessing and joy! God is good!
7/8/14
Two hours on a bridge - A lifetime in their hearts
Wednesday, June 11th, 2014 at 12:30 p.m. I am driving by
myself with the two kids (then 2 and 4) across the Chesapeake Bay Bridge. (One
of the world's longest over-water structures, the Bay Bridge, an incredible 4.3
miles display of mid-century engineering at it's best, serves to connect
Maryland's Eastern shore to the rest of the world!) Two hours later we drove
off the bridge! This article is the result. :)
When trying to figure out the "why" in the midst
of uncomfortable (annoying) circumstances remember this...if nothing else (as a
parent) one answer which always fits is so that you can show your kids how God
wants (expects and calls) us to act in these situations. Our kids are watching
and this is an extremely moldable time in their lives. If we throw a fit, get
impatient, constantly complain about things we cannot change and/or become
angry when things don't go the way we think they should, so will our children.
Besides, the only
thing worse than a whiny child is a whiny adult! :)
Here are some practical tips for navigating those negative
situations:
- Pray for those involved. After an hour of sitting at the
apex of the bridge with the engine off and watching other drivers standing
outside of their vehicles we learned that the backup was due to a terrible
accident. Any number of slight variations to our morning could have landed us
right in the middle of it instead of a mile behind it. I explained the
situation for the kids and we prayed, thanking God that we were protected from
the accident and praying for all those who were involved.
- Play the "What Can We be Thankful For?" game!
Challenge your kids and yourself by looking at the situation from a different
perspective. Ask, "What can we be thankful for?" Mikaela noticed how
pretty the passing clouds were that day. I pointed out how neat it was to see
the bridge from this angle instead of it whizzing by the window. We had a great
view of the bay and got to see lots of boats. We had snacks and an Elmo DVD!
Life was actually pretty good! :)
- Use the time to connect. Talk with your kids. Find out how
they are feeling. Talk about how feelings are not bad, but God has given us the
choice of what we do with them.
- In every situation stop and seize the moment to teach and
mold your children. Take them back to the Gospel!
"And these words
which I am commanding you this day shall be [first] in your [own] minds and
hearts; [then] 7 You shall whet and sharpen them so as to make them penetrate,
and teach and impress them diligently upon the [minds and] hearts of your
children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house and when you walk
by the way, and when you lie down and when you rise up." Deuteronomy 6:6-7
AMP
6/28/14
Yay! Progress!
If you read my last post you know things have been anything but business as usual around here the past few months. Today we celebrate progress...It took nearly four months to lose my mind!!!! :)
Seriously, this is amazing! Tuesday morning I was dealing with a sick, screaming 2 year old who wouldn't let me put him down, a whining 4 year old who was constantly needing me to solve one earth-shattering dilemma after another, a dog barking in the back yard as if he were going to eat anyone who dared come close, and all the while I had the refrigerator, which had decided to stop cooling, unplugged and pulled into the middle of the floor and was trying to transfer all the food to the basement fridge. Top it all off with exhaustion from Tim's nearly four months of traveling 5-7 days a week, and you can understand why I finally just stood in the middle of the kitchen, threw up my hands and said, "I'm losing my mind!" The beauty is that no sooner were the words out of my mouth that I began to laugh at myself and the absurdity of life right now (which is beyond counter to my Type A personality) as I felt the Lord say, "Awesome! It took four months! A year ago it would have taken less than four days!" Yay! Progress! :)
Never take lightly the little victories in life. The Lord is constantly working on us and sanctifying us. Each trial, a chance to grow. Each crazy, pull-your-hair-out day, an opportunity for remembering that apart from Him we can do nothing but with Him all things are possible!
If you are in the midst of annoyance, maybe not a tragedy or a fiery trial but rather just a circumstance that makes you want to scream, "I'm losing my mind!" just go on and tell the Lord. Trust me, He already knows! Go to Him and His Word. Let Him comfort and cheer you and renew your strength and perspective.
In the multitude of my anxious thoughts, Your comforts cheer and delight my soul!" Psalm 94:19 (AMP)
Side note: He also knows how to bless us when we need it most. I opened the front door on that same morning and found a package from a beautiful woman who had read my last post. She sent two Veggie Tales videos for the kids with a note saying she was thinking of me and thought these would give me a few moments to rest. Then that afternoon I was trying to speak a Facebook post. Of course what the voice recognition wrote was nowhere close! I was going to correct it when it accidently got posted! A few of you saw it and started responding immediately before I could delete it. I laughed so hard it brought tears to my eye...and blessed healing to my soul! Trust me mamas, God knows! :)
Seriously, this is amazing! Tuesday morning I was dealing with a sick, screaming 2 year old who wouldn't let me put him down, a whining 4 year old who was constantly needing me to solve one earth-shattering dilemma after another, a dog barking in the back yard as if he were going to eat anyone who dared come close, and all the while I had the refrigerator, which had decided to stop cooling, unplugged and pulled into the middle of the floor and was trying to transfer all the food to the basement fridge. Top it all off with exhaustion from Tim's nearly four months of traveling 5-7 days a week, and you can understand why I finally just stood in the middle of the kitchen, threw up my hands and said, "I'm losing my mind!" The beauty is that no sooner were the words out of my mouth that I began to laugh at myself and the absurdity of life right now (which is beyond counter to my Type A personality) as I felt the Lord say, "Awesome! It took four months! A year ago it would have taken less than four days!" Yay! Progress! :)
Never take lightly the little victories in life. The Lord is constantly working on us and sanctifying us. Each trial, a chance to grow. Each crazy, pull-your-hair-out day, an opportunity for remembering that apart from Him we can do nothing but with Him all things are possible!
If you are in the midst of annoyance, maybe not a tragedy or a fiery trial but rather just a circumstance that makes you want to scream, "I'm losing my mind!" just go on and tell the Lord. Trust me, He already knows! Go to Him and His Word. Let Him comfort and cheer you and renew your strength and perspective.
In the multitude of my anxious thoughts, Your comforts cheer and delight my soul!" Psalm 94:19 (AMP)
Side note: He also knows how to bless us when we need it most. I opened the front door on that same morning and found a package from a beautiful woman who had read my last post. She sent two Veggie Tales videos for the kids with a note saying she was thinking of me and thought these would give me a few moments to rest. Then that afternoon I was trying to speak a Facebook post. Of course what the voice recognition wrote was nowhere close! I was going to correct it when it accidently got posted! A few of you saw it and started responding immediately before I could delete it. I laughed so hard it brought tears to my eye...and blessed healing to my soul! Trust me mamas, God knows! :)
6/17/14
Crazy life! :)
Hi All! Sorry for going MIA! Life has been very abnormal for us lately. Of course that phrase implies I have some idea of what normal actually is! :) In late February we entered a season of family challenge we had never before dealt with to this magnitude. Tim was made capture manager of a large pursuit...in Florida! He has been traveling 5-6 days a week since then.
This brings up a great point! Trust that God will give you the grace you need when you need it. And not likely a moment before! Don't compare yourself to others and their story. Never say you could not do something and then believe the lie that if another woman is doing that very thing then she is superwoman and your worth, value, and ability are somehow minimized.
If anyone had told me we were going to find ourselves living in this type of instability for this length of time I would have lost it. I know for some of you this may be the norm, but this is not the life style we are accustomed to and it is not the plan I signed up for! :) But the simple fact is, "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." (Phil. 4:13) And day in and day out, morning after morning, bedtime routine after bedtime routine somehow God continues to give me exactly what I need to keep going and in the mist of it all actually enjoy myself, my life, and my kids along the way. Of course we are ready for this to end so I can get some time to enjoy my hubby as well! :)
It has been an exhausting four months full of uncertainty and the inability to commit to much of anything. But God is growing us as two type A's deal with the harsh reality of not being able to plan and learning to "just go with it" as much as possible given who God naturally made us to be. :) Thankfully we believe we are just about 4 weeks from the finish line.
Anything He calls to you He will equip you to do! I promise you, no matter what your current situation God is right there with you, and He will give you everything you need the moment you need it...but probably not before then so that is where we must learn to trust and wait expectantly for our great God! (Phil 4:19, Psalm 42:5)
This brings up a great point! Trust that God will give you the grace you need when you need it. And not likely a moment before! Don't compare yourself to others and their story. Never say you could not do something and then believe the lie that if another woman is doing that very thing then she is superwoman and your worth, value, and ability are somehow minimized.
If anyone had told me we were going to find ourselves living in this type of instability for this length of time I would have lost it. I know for some of you this may be the norm, but this is not the life style we are accustomed to and it is not the plan I signed up for! :) But the simple fact is, "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." (Phil. 4:13) And day in and day out, morning after morning, bedtime routine after bedtime routine somehow God continues to give me exactly what I need to keep going and in the mist of it all actually enjoy myself, my life, and my kids along the way. Of course we are ready for this to end so I can get some time to enjoy my hubby as well! :)
It has been an exhausting four months full of uncertainty and the inability to commit to much of anything. But God is growing us as two type A's deal with the harsh reality of not being able to plan and learning to "just go with it" as much as possible given who God naturally made us to be. :) Thankfully we believe we are just about 4 weeks from the finish line.
Anything He calls to you He will equip you to do! I promise you, no matter what your current situation God is right there with you, and He will give you everything you need the moment you need it...but probably not before then so that is where we must learn to trust and wait expectantly for our great God! (Phil 4:19, Psalm 42:5)
4/24/14
Purpose in Pain: Proper Mourning
Well, for the first month after we lost the baby (in 2011) I was daily standing in awe of God and the fact that He was keeping me in such peace.
Sure, I had my moments. But that's just what they were, moments. I’d tear up out of the blue, get sad, and just need to either be held by Tim, hold Mikaela, or just be alone. But after a short while it would pass and I was able to move on. Then, on a Saturday night in late March, I was in bed alone, reading, and it hit me. All of a sudden I felt this intense grief and pain overtake me. I began to cry harder and louder than I had since everything happened. I was overwhelmed, and I was confused. What was this? Where was it coming from? What do I do with it? Part of me said, “Feel it.” And a larger part said, “Fight it.”
The next morning I was still just barely holding it together. With tears brimming my eyes I made it through the motions of getting ready, making it to church, and singing in the choir. The choir special that day got me chocked up, and I just made it to my seat before a few tears began to fall. I quickly dabbed them away and resolved myself to focus on the sermon and put aside all of these emotions. Well, our pastor gets up, turns to the book of Job and says, “Today we are going to talk about mourning.” I lost it! As he began to read from chapter 3 (where Job gives voice to all his pain, and even asked why he didn’t die in his mother’s womb) I ran out of Kleenex and was in such a pitiful state I can only imagine what everyone around me was thinking.
At first I was angry, “Why God? Why when I’m feeling like this do You let this be the sermon I have to sit through? Aren’t I hurting enough?” I have never before truly felt like a sermon was just for me, but that day’s message could have been said to me if it were only the pastor and I talking in his office. As he continued, I realized this was a message of healing. A message God had for me to show me how to deal with all I was feeling.
In a nutshell, the pastor explained that when tragedy strikes the first thing you need to immediately do is begin to build yourself up in the Lord so when the painful, negative thoughts enter your mind you will be able to stand on what you know is true. Build yourself up and then allow yourself to mourn.
You see, Job gave voice to his pain, and in so doing only made things worse and opened the door for Satan to attack him on a mental/emotional level. (Because our words have power. Prov. 18:21) If we immediately speak those things we know to be true from scripture, for example: God will never leave me. (Heb. 13:5) My times are in His hands. (Ps. 31:15) God has great plans for me. (Jer. 29:11) God will work this out for my good. (Rom. 8:28) God is my strength. (Prov. 18:10) I can do all things through Christ Who strengthens me (Phil. 4:13)…then our spirit is strong and able to stand under the pressures of our circumstances, because we will know that we are more than conquerors through Him Who loves us! (Rom. 8:37)
I realized God was telling me that day, "You have built yourself up in Me. Now you need to let yourself feel this and properly grieve this loss.” The beauty of it all is that we do not grieve as the world grieves, because we have hope and the assurance of a better day, of promises fulfilled. (1 Thes. 4:13) And I know that He is holding my baby until I have the chance to do so.
So if you are struggling…first give voice to the promises of God (our weapons…2 Cor. 10:4). Then give yourself time to grieve…but do not voice your negative emotions! Speak life! A new day is coming. And when it comes it will bring new mercies and stronger faith.
“You will guard him and keep him in perfect and constant peace whose mind [both its inclination and its character] is stayed on You, because he commits himself to You, leans on You, and hopes confidently in You.” Isaiah 26:3
Sure, I had my moments. But that's just what they were, moments. I’d tear up out of the blue, get sad, and just need to either be held by Tim, hold Mikaela, or just be alone. But after a short while it would pass and I was able to move on. Then, on a Saturday night in late March, I was in bed alone, reading, and it hit me. All of a sudden I felt this intense grief and pain overtake me. I began to cry harder and louder than I had since everything happened. I was overwhelmed, and I was confused. What was this? Where was it coming from? What do I do with it? Part of me said, “Feel it.” And a larger part said, “Fight it.”
The next morning I was still just barely holding it together. With tears brimming my eyes I made it through the motions of getting ready, making it to church, and singing in the choir. The choir special that day got me chocked up, and I just made it to my seat before a few tears began to fall. I quickly dabbed them away and resolved myself to focus on the sermon and put aside all of these emotions. Well, our pastor gets up, turns to the book of Job and says, “Today we are going to talk about mourning.” I lost it! As he began to read from chapter 3 (where Job gives voice to all his pain, and even asked why he didn’t die in his mother’s womb) I ran out of Kleenex and was in such a pitiful state I can only imagine what everyone around me was thinking.
At first I was angry, “Why God? Why when I’m feeling like this do You let this be the sermon I have to sit through? Aren’t I hurting enough?” I have never before truly felt like a sermon was just for me, but that day’s message could have been said to me if it were only the pastor and I talking in his office. As he continued, I realized this was a message of healing. A message God had for me to show me how to deal with all I was feeling.
In a nutshell, the pastor explained that when tragedy strikes the first thing you need to immediately do is begin to build yourself up in the Lord so when the painful, negative thoughts enter your mind you will be able to stand on what you know is true. Build yourself up and then allow yourself to mourn.
You see, Job gave voice to his pain, and in so doing only made things worse and opened the door for Satan to attack him on a mental/emotional level. (Because our words have power. Prov. 18:21) If we immediately speak those things we know to be true from scripture, for example: God will never leave me. (Heb. 13:5) My times are in His hands. (Ps. 31:15) God has great plans for me. (Jer. 29:11) God will work this out for my good. (Rom. 8:28) God is my strength. (Prov. 18:10) I can do all things through Christ Who strengthens me (Phil. 4:13)…then our spirit is strong and able to stand under the pressures of our circumstances, because we will know that we are more than conquerors through Him Who loves us! (Rom. 8:37)
I realized God was telling me that day, "You have built yourself up in Me. Now you need to let yourself feel this and properly grieve this loss.” The beauty of it all is that we do not grieve as the world grieves, because we have hope and the assurance of a better day, of promises fulfilled. (1 Thes. 4:13) And I know that He is holding my baby until I have the chance to do so.
"It is because of the Lord's mercy and loving-kindness that we are not consumed, because His [tender] compassions fail not. They are new every morning; great and abundant is Your stability and faithfulness.” Lamentations 3:22-23
3/28/14
Purpose in Pain: Be Still
“Be still and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10
Regardless of what you are going through, this is powerful advice. And in a world of “rush rush rush,” this is something we don’t do enough of. And in the event that we consider slowing down for a moment, we often feel condemned. I challenge you to trade in your “GO GO GO” life for a few minutes of “standing in awe of God.” (Ecc. 5:7 NIV)
There are many places in scripture where we are encouraged to rest…not to mention that from the beginning of creation God set aside an entire day for that specific purpose!
A few years back our Sunday morning Bible study class was going through the book of Ruth. One morning one verse practically jumped off the page at me. After Ruth returns from, for lack of a better word, proposing to Boaz, Naomi gives some very wise advice when she says, “Sit still my daughter, until you learn how the matter turns out;” (Ruth 3:18). Are you going through something difficult, exhausting, or confusing right now? Take wisdom from Solomon (he’s a pretty good source for wisdom) when he says in Ecclesiastes 5:2, “Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God. God is in heaven and you are on earth, so let your words be few.”
So please, for the health of your spirit and the sanity of your mind, take time to just be in His presence. Let Him speak to your heart and give you new insight and understanding. And allow the God of all to give you rest for your soul.
“Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28
“THE LORD is my Shepherd [to feed, guide, and shield me], I shall not lack. He makes me lie down in [fresh, tender] green pastures; He leads me beside the still and restful waters. He refreshes and restores my life (my self);” Psalm 23:1-3a
3/12/14
Purpose in Pain: Thank you, Lord?
“Give thanks in all circumstances.” 1 Thessalonians 5:18a
How? How do you give thanks in the midst of your darkest moment…in fear, in pain, possibly even in anger?
A few years back the Lord brought something to my attention that has been a great help to me. If you take a look at the beginning of the book of Job we see Satan coming to the Lord after having been roaming around on the earth, and God actually brought up Job. He asked, “Have you considered my servant Job?” (God was proud of Job!) Even Satan knew that Job was a man of God. But he presented God with a challenge. In Jenny paraphrase he said, “Look, I know that he is a great man of faith and all, but look at how much you’ve blessed him! He’s one of the wealthiest men on the earth. It’s easy for him to serve you! I promise that if you take all that away from him he will no longer be a great man of faith.” God says, “I’ll take that challenge.” You see, God had faith in Job’s faith! Does God see me that way? Does Satan see me as a threat he wants to take down? Just a thought…if you have had no struggles, maybe Satan doesn’t view you as a problem…hummmm….
So how about when faced with a trial we try responding with something like this, “Thank you, Lord that you see me as strong enough to go through this trail. I know I can do whatever I have to do through the power of Christ living in me, which gives me strength.” (Philippians 4:13)
Here’s another thought…In John chapter 9 we see a man born blind. Many ask Jesus, “Who sinned that this happened?” And Jesus answers that no one sinned but this has happened that God may be glorified. Then they all witnessed the power of God as Christ restored the man's sight.
I am not saying that God has caused your trial, but I am saying that, if you let Him, God will use whatever you are going through to grow and strengthen you and your faith and to gain glory for Himself and His kingdom. People are watching you in the midst of your trial. Let them see God! And give God thanks that He is with you every step of the way and that He sees you as strong enough to go through this. He never gives us more than we can bear. (1 Cor. 10:13)
If you are going through a tough time, I challenge you to take a few minute and list all the things you can be thankful for in the midst of your trial. This may be difficult, but give it a shot. I promise the change in perspective will increase your strength. And please remember, God loves you and will never leave you.
The day after learning we had loss the baby (February 2011) I made this list of things I could be thankful for:
- My mother-in-law was here to stay with Mikaela when it all happened.
- I have an amazing husband who loves me and the Lord. He’s strong and compassionate.
- Tim was able to be with me for the ultrasound when I got the news.
- I found out from the doctors and not at home alone.
- They were able to schedule the procedure quickly.
- I have a wonderful, Christian doctor.
- I have Mikaela to come home to and hold.
- My parents came up and we had time together.
1/21/14
Purpose in Pain: No Guilt in Grace!
Guilt in grace? Sound a little strange? You see, Satan has a funny way of condemning you no matter what you’re doing. If you’re upset, he may tell you that you should suck it up and quite all the self-pity. (Sometimes, when appropriate, God may say that to you as well, so you’d better be spending time with Him so you can tell the difference!) I experienced the opposite. Here I was, at what was the lowest moment of my life, and yet I was hopeful and positive. This was NOT of myself! I never imagined being able to have that kind of peace.
Anytime I had ever let the thought of losing a baby enter my mind I would immediately cringe and imagine that I would be so knocked down by such a tragedy that I would lock myself away and not leave the house (or maybe even my room) for as long as possible. But the truth is I have secluded myself more when having a cold than I did after losing this baby. Despite our painful loss, I was overcome by this incredible need to be with people and to share the love and peace that God had given me. I could hardly wait until Sunday to be with my church family and to let them see, that by His power, I was ok!!
In the midst of these feelings the Lord had given me there were other nagging questions in the back of my mind. As Tim and I sat in the waiting area about to be called back to prep for the surgery that would physically take my baby from me, I was a mixture of emotions. I wasn’t falling apart, but shouldn’t I be? Was it right that the people in the waiting area with me would not know that I has just suffered such a devastating loss? And once called back, should I really attempt to smile when I met the nurses and orderly? Wasn’t that wrong? They knew why I was there. Wouldn’t they think something was wrong with me if I didn’t appear distraught? I felt so conflicted, the feelings I thought I should have and the consistent feeling of peace I did have were at war within me. As I contemplated these questions in my mind, this still, small voice spoke to my spirit, “You don’t have to fall apart. I have given you peace. Let them see Me.”
So there is no need to feel guilty for the grace God may give you in the midst of your trial. Let them see Him! The scripture tells us many times to rejoice in trials, count it all joy (James 1:2-3), for the joy of the Lord is our strength (Nehemiah 8:10). Even in suffering we can be holy (set apart) for Him. Trust in the only One who can turn your mourning into dancing! (Psalm 30:11) Don’t let Satan tell you that being at peace is wrong. I was suffering greatly at this time (and still have rough moments), but by His grace I had peace in my heart though the storms of life continued to rage around me. God is so good!
“Moreover [let us also be full of joy now!] let us exult and triumph in our troubles and rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that pressure and affliction and hardship produce patient and unswerving endurance.” Romans 5:3 (Amplified Bible)
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