Are you $0.97 away from a breakthrough?

Well, what do you think? Could $0.97 be separating you from the relationship you truly desire with your daughter? I'm hoping it is for me! I wanted to let you in on my newest attempt to stay on the offense against this crazy hormonal surge that is already taking over my 6 year old daughter!

I think a big part of our jobs as parents is being inventive problem solvers. I'm constantly praying for new methods and ideas to improve my creative parenting. Sometimes I try something, and it's phenomenal! The heavens part, rays of sunshine beam down, the heavenly angels sing a course of, "Awwww," and I know it was from the Lord! At other times my kids look at me like I've lost my mind, and I know I've gone too far. :-)

So Mikaela and I are still falling hard and fast into this new stage of our relationship that I had hoped would be a few years away. Nonetheless, here it is. My cheerful,  upbeat, confident, little girl is dealing with bouts of extreme shyness which frequently cause her to basically be rude and shut down when encountering anyone outside of our home. And a few times I have found myself on the receiving end of her dagger pitching glares.  It's so counter to her behavior for the first 5 years, and she herself is having trouble understanding what's going on. On the one hand, it breaks my heart to see this struggle. On the other hand, it makes me see red, and it's all I can do to maintain my composure. But I have a choice. I can sit around and fume, constantly asking, "Why?" "What's wrong?" Or I can start implementing some attempts at helping her (and me) cope with where we are right now. I am choosing the ladder...by the grace of God!

So here is where the $0.97 comes in. This morning I took a $0.97 composition book and on the first page this is what I wrote:

Mikaela,

     This is your very first journal! You can use this to write your feelings and your thoughts. You can use it when there is something you want to remember. Write in it when you are happy or sad, excited or scared, worried or thankful (especially when you are thankful!).

     You can even use this journal to write letters to me or prayers to God. Sometimes I will write letters to you in it, and sometimes I will write Bible verses or positive sayings I want you to practice and memorize. Together we will fill these pages with words you can treasure forever!

                                                                                    I love you always!

                                                                                             ~ Mommy

I also wrote the following lines (one per page), and asked her to please write each one three times:
"To have friends I have to be friendly."
"No matter how I feel I can choose a good attitude."
"'Be kind and loving to each other,' Ephesians 4:32"
"'In everything, treat people the same way you want them to treat you,' Matthew 7:12."

She loved the idea and was eager to begin our new journaling project together. I'll keep you posted on how it goes!

Crying in the Dollar Tree!

Well, we are off to a great start! Both kiddos have been in school for over a week and none of us had had any tears...until today! I have been nothing but excited for both of them because they have both been so ready. While Holden is only going 3 half days a week, it is just what he needs to start gaining his independence. And while Mikaela insists on growing up at warp speed, she is flourishing and loving school. Everyone has done so well, including mommy, until today!

Now, in my defense, I have a nasty cold, and I only slept about 2 hours last night; however, I just found myself crying in the Dollar Tree! My baby girl will turn 6 years old on Wednesday! I ran in the store for a few things and saw the card section. Then I got the idea to put a card in her lunch box. As I began looking through the cards, I was thinking of what I would write in it. I was picturing my little girl, so grown up, opening her lunch box at school and reading her birthday card, where I will undoubtedly gush with how much we love her and how proud we are of her. At that minute, without warning, I begin to cry in the Dollar Tree.

I have been so blessed to be a stay at home mom these past 6 years, but my personality does not do well without true structure. And let's face it, despite our greatest efforts, life with babies and toddlers rarely lends itself to any type of predictable schedule. So I have been relishing in the semblance of structure coming back into my life and our home. We have to get up at a certain time. We have to get out the door at a certain time. I have places to be and times to be there. I'm finding myself a little more energized and productive. But if I sit still for too long I begin to realize my babies aren't needing me like they used to. But I was warned about this season by a very dear friend once. A precious woman about the age of my own mother. She told me one day years ago, when my kids were still in diapers, "You think they need you now, and they do need you for survival, but once they hit the school years they are going to need you like never before. Don't think for a second that once they're in school you can run off and "get back to your life." In truth, a crucial part of your job will just be beginning. When they come home from school in the afternoons, tired and bored, it is in those hours when they will need you, your wisdom, your guidance, and your supervision like never before." Such wise words that I have taken to heart.

While I am embracing this new season I do not see it as if part of my job is finished, rather my position is evolving from "Mommy, do this. Mommy, do that." into, "Mom, are you here and are you listening?" Thankfully we get to ease into this transition, but nonetheless I am now going back to the Lord, as I have so many times before, asking, "Now what? Show me, God how to be the mom that they need right now, right where they are in their lives. How do I listen, and how do I speak? How do I teach, and how do I lead? How do I help? How do I hold? And when and how do I let go?"

I hope that you will often reevaluate your situation as "mom." It is never really done. Rather, you are always adapting. And our God, who is the same yesterday, today, and forever, is ready, willing and able to give you exactly what you need, making you fully equipped to be the mom you have to be today, tomorrow, and for the rest of the years to come.

A Victory!!!!! Something is Working!!!

"I don't know what's wrong with me. I just keep struggling with things and getting mad about stuff."

As much as this sounds like something I have said many times over, this time it came from Mikaela! Once I get past the first thoughts to enter my mind, which go something like this, "What the HECK? You're turning 6, not 16!" I reach into the compartment of my mind where the Lord and I have spent many hours stocking my mommy arsenal in the name of "Helping My Daughter Deal with Being Female." I pull out an old favorite labeled, "You can't control you feelings, but you can control what you do with them." I leave my vacuum in the middle of the floor and begin to walk over to assure this tiny "woman" that I totally understand. Before a word gets past my lips she runs right past me towards her room and turns and says, "Wait just a minute....I'm going to go have some God time."

YES!! She's listening! She's learning. And She's applying, perhaps in many instances more readily than I am!! It is not about teaching our kids how not to struggle, it's about teaching them how to cope when they do!

Keep their spirits soft to the notion of our heavenly Father and His desire for intimate involvement in our lives. While I have not officially had a teenager yet (just a nearly 6 year old who acts like one) I was a teenager...with plenty of emotional, hormonal issues! And I believe I can say with some level of certainty (and from experience...Thanks, Mom!) that keeping the things of God continually, daily, and yes, even casually on your lips and in the center of your home will make those "Come to Jesus" moments in the teen years much less awkward, as they will already be in the habit of coming to Jesus and seeing you go to Him as well. He wants to be a friend not an occasional flotation device when the seas of life grow too rough for us. 

Save yourself a lot of stress! Don't waste your energy trying to figure out how to keep your children from ever experiencing pain. Instead, use every day and seize each opportunity to teach them to fight the good fight and walk in the victory of the Lord! Our great military academies do not teach their students how to avoid war...they teach them how to win the battles.

We live in a messed up world ruled by the prince of darkness. (John 12:31) Like it or not, your kids are going to have to fight! Give them the weapons to do it!

"Put on God’s whole armor [the armor of a heavy-armed soldier which God supplies], that you may be able successfully to stand up against [all] the strategies and the deceits of the devil.

For we are not wrestling with flesh and blood [contending only with physical opponents], but against the despotisms, against the powers, against [the master spirits who are] the world rulers of this present darkness, against the spirit forces of wickedness in the heavenly (supernatural) sphere.

Therefore put on God’s complete armor, that you may be able to resist and stand your ground on the evil day [of danger], and, having done all [the crisis demands], to stand [firmly in your place]." Ephesians 6:11-13 (AMP)

 

"For the weapons of our warfare are not physical [weapons of flesh and blood], but they are mighty before God for the overthrow and destruction of strongholds," 2 Cor. 10:4 (AMP)