If you read my last post you know things have been anything but business as usual around here the past few months. Today we celebrate progress...It took nearly four months to lose my mind!!!! :)
Seriously, this is amazing! Tuesday morning I was dealing with a sick, screaming 2 year old who wouldn't let me put him down, a whining 4 year old who was constantly needing me to solve one earth-shattering dilemma after another, a dog barking in the back yard as if he were going to eat anyone who dared come close, and all the while I had the refrigerator, which had decided to stop cooling, unplugged and pulled into the middle of the floor and was trying to transfer all the food to the basement fridge. Top it all off with exhaustion from Tim's nearly four months of traveling 5-7 days a week, and you can understand why I finally just stood in the middle of the kitchen, threw up my hands and said, "I'm losing my mind!" The beauty is that no sooner were the words out of my mouth that I began to laugh at myself and the absurdity of life right now (which is beyond counter to my Type A personality) as I felt the Lord say, "Awesome! It took four months! A year ago it would have taken less than four days!" Yay! Progress! :)
Never take lightly the little victories in life. The Lord is constantly working on us and sanctifying us. Each trial, a chance to grow. Each crazy, pull-your-hair-out day, an opportunity for remembering that apart from Him we can do nothing but with Him all things are possible!
If you are in the midst of annoyance, maybe not a tragedy or a fiery trial but rather just a circumstance that makes you want to scream, "I'm losing my mind!" just go on and tell the Lord. Trust me, He already knows! Go to Him and His Word. Let Him comfort and cheer you and renew your strength and perspective.
In the multitude of my anxious thoughts, Your comforts cheer and delight my soul!" Psalm 94:19 (AMP)
Side note: He also knows how to bless us when we need it most. I opened the front door on that same morning and found a package from a beautiful woman who had read my last post. She sent two Veggie Tales videos for the kids with a note saying she was thinking of me and thought these would give me a few moments to rest. Then that afternoon I was trying to speak a Facebook post. Of course what the voice recognition wrote was nowhere close! I was going to correct it when it accidently got posted! A few of you saw it and started responding immediately before I could delete it. I laughed so hard it brought tears to my eye...and blessed healing to my soul! Trust me mamas, God knows! :)
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6/28/14
6/17/14
Crazy life! :)
Hi All! Sorry for going MIA! Life has been very abnormal for us lately. Of course that phrase implies I have some idea of what normal actually is! :) In late February we entered a season of family challenge we had never before dealt with to this magnitude. Tim was made capture manager of a large pursuit...in Florida! He has been traveling 5-6 days a week since then.
This brings up a great point! Trust that God will give you the grace you need when you need it. And not likely a moment before! Don't compare yourself to others and their story. Never say you could not do something and then believe the lie that if another woman is doing that very thing then she is superwoman and your worth, value, and ability are somehow minimized.
If anyone had told me we were going to find ourselves living in this type of instability for this length of time I would have lost it. I know for some of you this may be the norm, but this is not the life style we are accustomed to and it is not the plan I signed up for! :) But the simple fact is, "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." (Phil. 4:13) And day in and day out, morning after morning, bedtime routine after bedtime routine somehow God continues to give me exactly what I need to keep going and in the mist of it all actually enjoy myself, my life, and my kids along the way. Of course we are ready for this to end so I can get some time to enjoy my hubby as well! :)
It has been an exhausting four months full of uncertainty and the inability to commit to much of anything. But God is growing us as two type A's deal with the harsh reality of not being able to plan and learning to "just go with it" as much as possible given who God naturally made us to be. :) Thankfully we believe we are just about 4 weeks from the finish line.
Anything He calls to you He will equip you to do! I promise you, no matter what your current situation God is right there with you, and He will give you everything you need the moment you need it...but probably not before then so that is where we must learn to trust and wait expectantly for our great God! (Phil 4:19, Psalm 42:5)
This brings up a great point! Trust that God will give you the grace you need when you need it. And not likely a moment before! Don't compare yourself to others and their story. Never say you could not do something and then believe the lie that if another woman is doing that very thing then she is superwoman and your worth, value, and ability are somehow minimized.
If anyone had told me we were going to find ourselves living in this type of instability for this length of time I would have lost it. I know for some of you this may be the norm, but this is not the life style we are accustomed to and it is not the plan I signed up for! :) But the simple fact is, "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." (Phil. 4:13) And day in and day out, morning after morning, bedtime routine after bedtime routine somehow God continues to give me exactly what I need to keep going and in the mist of it all actually enjoy myself, my life, and my kids along the way. Of course we are ready for this to end so I can get some time to enjoy my hubby as well! :)
It has been an exhausting four months full of uncertainty and the inability to commit to much of anything. But God is growing us as two type A's deal with the harsh reality of not being able to plan and learning to "just go with it" as much as possible given who God naturally made us to be. :) Thankfully we believe we are just about 4 weeks from the finish line.
Anything He calls to you He will equip you to do! I promise you, no matter what your current situation God is right there with you, and He will give you everything you need the moment you need it...but probably not before then so that is where we must learn to trust and wait expectantly for our great God! (Phil 4:19, Psalm 42:5)
4/24/14
Purpose in Pain: Proper Mourning
Well, for the first month after we lost the baby (in 2011) I was daily standing in awe of God and the fact that He was keeping me in such peace.
Sure, I had my moments. But that's just what they were, moments. I’d tear up out of the blue, get sad, and just need to either be held by Tim, hold Mikaela, or just be alone. But after a short while it would pass and I was able to move on. Then, on a Saturday night in late March, I was in bed alone, reading, and it hit me. All of a sudden I felt this intense grief and pain overtake me. I began to cry harder and louder than I had since everything happened. I was overwhelmed, and I was confused. What was this? Where was it coming from? What do I do with it? Part of me said, “Feel it.” And a larger part said, “Fight it.”
The next morning I was still just barely holding it together. With tears brimming my eyes I made it through the motions of getting ready, making it to church, and singing in the choir. The choir special that day got me chocked up, and I just made it to my seat before a few tears began to fall. I quickly dabbed them away and resolved myself to focus on the sermon and put aside all of these emotions. Well, our pastor gets up, turns to the book of Job and says, “Today we are going to talk about mourning.” I lost it! As he began to read from chapter 3 (where Job gives voice to all his pain, and even asked why he didn’t die in his mother’s womb) I ran out of Kleenex and was in such a pitiful state I can only imagine what everyone around me was thinking.
At first I was angry, “Why God? Why when I’m feeling like this do You let this be the sermon I have to sit through? Aren’t I hurting enough?” I have never before truly felt like a sermon was just for me, but that day’s message could have been said to me if it were only the pastor and I talking in his office. As he continued, I realized this was a message of healing. A message God had for me to show me how to deal with all I was feeling.
In a nutshell, the pastor explained that when tragedy strikes the first thing you need to immediately do is begin to build yourself up in the Lord so when the painful, negative thoughts enter your mind you will be able to stand on what you know is true. Build yourself up and then allow yourself to mourn.
You see, Job gave voice to his pain, and in so doing only made things worse and opened the door for Satan to attack him on a mental/emotional level. (Because our words have power. Prov. 18:21) If we immediately speak those things we know to be true from scripture, for example: God will never leave me. (Heb. 13:5) My times are in His hands. (Ps. 31:15) God has great plans for me. (Jer. 29:11) God will work this out for my good. (Rom. 8:28) God is my strength. (Prov. 18:10) I can do all things through Christ Who strengthens me (Phil. 4:13)…then our spirit is strong and able to stand under the pressures of our circumstances, because we will know that we are more than conquerors through Him Who loves us! (Rom. 8:37)
I realized God was telling me that day, "You have built yourself up in Me. Now you need to let yourself feel this and properly grieve this loss.” The beauty of it all is that we do not grieve as the world grieves, because we have hope and the assurance of a better day, of promises fulfilled. (1 Thes. 4:13) And I know that He is holding my baby until I have the chance to do so.
So if you are struggling…first give voice to the promises of God (our weapons…2 Cor. 10:4). Then give yourself time to grieve…but do not voice your negative emotions! Speak life! A new day is coming. And when it comes it will bring new mercies and stronger faith.
“You will guard him and keep him in perfect and constant peace whose mind [both its inclination and its character] is stayed on You, because he commits himself to You, leans on You, and hopes confidently in You.” Isaiah 26:3
Sure, I had my moments. But that's just what they were, moments. I’d tear up out of the blue, get sad, and just need to either be held by Tim, hold Mikaela, or just be alone. But after a short while it would pass and I was able to move on. Then, on a Saturday night in late March, I was in bed alone, reading, and it hit me. All of a sudden I felt this intense grief and pain overtake me. I began to cry harder and louder than I had since everything happened. I was overwhelmed, and I was confused. What was this? Where was it coming from? What do I do with it? Part of me said, “Feel it.” And a larger part said, “Fight it.”
The next morning I was still just barely holding it together. With tears brimming my eyes I made it through the motions of getting ready, making it to church, and singing in the choir. The choir special that day got me chocked up, and I just made it to my seat before a few tears began to fall. I quickly dabbed them away and resolved myself to focus on the sermon and put aside all of these emotions. Well, our pastor gets up, turns to the book of Job and says, “Today we are going to talk about mourning.” I lost it! As he began to read from chapter 3 (where Job gives voice to all his pain, and even asked why he didn’t die in his mother’s womb) I ran out of Kleenex and was in such a pitiful state I can only imagine what everyone around me was thinking.
At first I was angry, “Why God? Why when I’m feeling like this do You let this be the sermon I have to sit through? Aren’t I hurting enough?” I have never before truly felt like a sermon was just for me, but that day’s message could have been said to me if it were only the pastor and I talking in his office. As he continued, I realized this was a message of healing. A message God had for me to show me how to deal with all I was feeling.
In a nutshell, the pastor explained that when tragedy strikes the first thing you need to immediately do is begin to build yourself up in the Lord so when the painful, negative thoughts enter your mind you will be able to stand on what you know is true. Build yourself up and then allow yourself to mourn.
You see, Job gave voice to his pain, and in so doing only made things worse and opened the door for Satan to attack him on a mental/emotional level. (Because our words have power. Prov. 18:21) If we immediately speak those things we know to be true from scripture, for example: God will never leave me. (Heb. 13:5) My times are in His hands. (Ps. 31:15) God has great plans for me. (Jer. 29:11) God will work this out for my good. (Rom. 8:28) God is my strength. (Prov. 18:10) I can do all things through Christ Who strengthens me (Phil. 4:13)…then our spirit is strong and able to stand under the pressures of our circumstances, because we will know that we are more than conquerors through Him Who loves us! (Rom. 8:37)
I realized God was telling me that day, "You have built yourself up in Me. Now you need to let yourself feel this and properly grieve this loss.” The beauty of it all is that we do not grieve as the world grieves, because we have hope and the assurance of a better day, of promises fulfilled. (1 Thes. 4:13) And I know that He is holding my baby until I have the chance to do so.
"It is because of the Lord's mercy and loving-kindness that we are not consumed, because His [tender] compassions fail not. They are new every morning; great and abundant is Your stability and faithfulness.” Lamentations 3:22-23
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